When I say "We'll be back in a few weeks!", I hope you hear in my voice more than excitement.

It's comfort: things will be OK when we're back together again.

It's encouragement: take heart.

It's an apology: I'm sorry for leaving you alone.

It's a plea: please hang in there.

It's a prayer: let there still be a we.

Until we're reunited, I hope our prayers reach Heaven side by side.

Blessings

God's been doing a lot in my life recently, and I thought it would be ungrateful of me not to share it as a testimony. I've started taking this Discipleship class on Mondays and even though it's less than an hour long, it's been making a huge difference in my understanding of God. It's helped me realize that the answer to a lot of the problems we face can be found in the Bible. All we need to do is read it. I never really started reading my Bible until I got to Hopkins. Higher education is driving me into the arms of God. The irony.

I've been struggling a lot, not just academically, but financially. I mean, we're not poor enough to be legit poor. It's just enough to feel the pressure. My parents have both been unemployed for almost a year now. I used to be afraid to pray for some things because I thought praying for them would be almost selfish. Sometimes I feel like the majority of my prayers are requests and pleas. The Asian in me highly objects to that. I guess the most important thing I've learned from the past couple weeks with God is that I should not be afraid to ask. When I don't ask God, I tend to just worry about things and struggle to work things out on my own. It's like having the world's best Math teacher right beside you while you toil over the little squiggly integral thing. God's been really reminding me to lean on him through the Scripture.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:6-7)

Another verse that really helps me is Proverbs 3:5-6,

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your path straight."

I remember Jeremiah sharing this verse with me on the first year of ADVENT. I didn't really realize how much I needed this verse until now. A lot of times, we try to figure things out on our own. But God's understanding far surpasses ours. He sees far and beyond. It's like we're mice in a maze and he is watching us from above. He can see where the exit is and He can guide us there. We just have to trust him. (Wow, I just compared God to a scientist.)

Recently, I've been doing a lot of prayer. I learned that I shouldn't be ashamed to ask God for things but I also learned there's a lot more to prayer than just requests. However, that's a topic of discussion for another day. One of the things I've been praying really hard about is my financial situation. JHU had given me a roughly $20,000 grant, which is really generous. However, it still left my family with a 30k bill, give or take. My sister is in law school right now, and her tuition is about $48k. My parents always tell me not to worry about money, that everything will work out, that they'll find a way. Despite their reassurances, I've been shouldering a lot of guilt about deciding to come to JHU instead of Berkeley. I questioned whether I made the decision out of pride and my desire to go to a "higher ranked school" and if God really wanted me to come here. A couple of weeks ago, I found out that one of my friends had submitted an application for a re-evaluation of financial aid. Before this, I didn't even know that a re-evaluation was possible during the school year. Two days ago, I finally submitted my application. The lady told me to expect an answer within two weeks. This morning I checked my email, and there was an email telling me to check my financial aid statement. They had increased my financial aid package to $30k. $10,000! Praise the Lord!

On top of this, I applied for an SAT tutoring job a few weeks ago. They had passed out a bunch of flyers, advertising $25/hr wages, 4 hours a week. I thought it was too good to be true, but too good to pass up. I scheduled an interview. The first interview was the qualification interview ---what are your prior experiences, if situation A happened, what would you do, what times are you available, etc. I relied heavily on my ADVENT experience to answer the questions. For example, if you had a child acting up in class, what would you do to? I didn't exactly say, drag five other teachers into my classroom and start singing "I AM BIG KING KONG", but Fish wasn't too far from my mind. Hitherto in the process, I was still quite distanced from the job. I didn't think there was a high possibility of me landing it because they had put a flyer in every mailbox. When I got my callback the next day, I started getting really nervous. I wasn't sure if God wanted me to get the job or if I already had too much on my plate. The flyers had said "Want to earn $100 every Sunday afternoon?" This is when I usually have church, but I thought, what the heck, might as well go and see if they have other times available. If not, it's God saying "This is not the job for you." The time slot they offered me was 11:30 to 3:30, which would get me back to campus exactly when church started. When I went back in for my callback interview (most nervewracking experience ever), I had to teach a mock-class. It seriously felt like small-scale ADVENT. When I left the interview room, I just remember praying to God, "I've done my best, Lord. Now it's all up to you." Then I vividly recalled Daniel telling us first year, "We can only do our best. God will do the rest." I didn't know how deeply I had internalized that. I guess God knew how much I would need it. haha

I got my call yesterday, telling me I had gotten the job. Out of 62 people, only five were chosen. My God is in the business of Miracles.

In less than two days, I'm going to be on my way to New York to see Tatiana's play, Both Sides Now! I am VERY excited. Then after that, I'll be en route to Chicago to see Amy and my Dad, and meet Grace for the very first time! Yee!

God answers all prayers. Sometimes it's Yes, sometime's it's No, sometime's it can even be Maybe. One thing is for certain, our Father in Heaven will always look out for us and do what's best for us.

Underachieving

College is definitely a very different environment from high school. Looking back, I've discovered that high school was a joke. Remember getting 90% and above on tests? Now, we pray for the median/curve to be set around 70 or 80%. My test scores of late have been less than exemplary. It's a rude wakeup call. Half-ass will no longer suffice. It's time to actually buckle up and do work. Shocking.

My midterm scores are horrifying. If not for covered grades, I'm pretty sure I would have flunked out of school already. My chances of making Dean's list are extremely slim. (3.7 GPA) Here's what I'm working with.

Physics Midterm #1:

76/100. Median was 81. Highest score? 100. Multiple. Bastards.

Chem Midterm #1:

83/100. I have no idea what the curve is.

Chem Lab Midterm #1:

72/100. Median was 69. Highest score is over 90.

My only saving grace is Intro to Physio Psych...but even there, things aren't looking too great.

Midterm #1: 97 out of 100. Highest score was 98. Median was in the 70's.

Midterm #2: 80/100. Median in the high 60's.

I MISS HAVING 90's. College just makes you feel bad about yourself. On the bright side, it does motivate you to work harder. I sincerely hope that things get better.

Feverish prayer right now. 24/7

Jailbait No More!

Another birthday has come and gone. This was the first time I've celebrated away from home. I must admit that I had planned to spend the whole day moping. I neglected to tell anyone when my birthday was. Chumin found out because she stole my wallet. Priscilla found out because she's gotten crazy good with her ninja observational skills. I was doing pretty well until Kimberly came along and made a public announcement on my Facebook...

My usual birthday goes something like this: 1.) Celebrate with friends at school, 2.) Real party begins when family goes out to restaurant of my choice, 3.)Come home, slice cake, take pictures! That's an ideal birthday. Sometimes, we end up fighting...but usually, we can stay civil until Christmas. I guess it was just weird coming to terms with the fact that my birthday would end at step one this year. Incomplete. ):

I'm really homesick. I've been homesick since I got here. I'm the first person to admit I'm an oversentimental weenie, but this is just getting ridiculous. My hallmates were the first to surprise me with a rendition of the birthday song at midnight. (Agony.) I was touched. I didn't know any of them even knew it was my birthday. I stayed up until 1 AM texting and calling family and friends. Somehow, it was more depressing that they had to call because they wer eso damn far away. D: Anyway, I spent the day trying to forget it was my birthday. I was doing a pretty good job until I was trying to get my letter to Anita mailed, and the lady who swiped my card said "Oh, it's your birthday today?" Apparently the computer system is programmed to pop up with "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" when it's someone's birthday. Cute. So I changed my mind and decided to buy myself a scratch card. Wasted a dollar. My day seemed gloomier than ever.

I was getting really emo by late afternoon. Then I discovered that my parents had bought and mailed me the complete Sherlock Holmes anthology. Somehow, this made me sadder. I finally gave in and went to find some company before I attempted to strangle myself with my laptop power cord.

I joined Jenna in the social lounge to watch the Phillies game. Phillies won. What's-his-face pitched a perfect game. Halladay? Jenna's man. I basically brought my laptop down and listened to my Physio Psych lecture while watching the game. Essentially, I spent my birthday alone and studying. Just what my sister's card (which I received the day after my birthday) told me not to do. hahahaha.

I thought I got my birthday over with when I was in bed by 9:30, doing a crossword. Suddenly, I hear a knock at the door. When I open the door, my friends surprise my with this huge Coldstone cake! Red Velvet with strawberry ice cream and cheesecake crumbles. OMG. Orgasmic! It turns out, they spent the whole day pretending they didn't know and scheming behind my back. hahahaha. The day suddenly made more sense. The mysterious texting during Chem. Chumin randomly asking me what my favorite kind of cake was...what my favorite flavor was... her frustration when I replied "Blue Raspberry". HAHAHA. I don't make things easy. (;

I'm so thankful for the friends I've made here at JHU. I guess this is God reminding me that I'm not alone and that I have family here. I was just thinking that when Rachel Lee decided to make a family tree. Hopkins family! I'm the creeper/perverted Grandma. Woot woot! God's blessings are abundant! :D

Anyways, it's still hard to believe that I'm going to be spending the next four years of my life here. But somehow...I think it's going to be all right.

Too Much Psych

I haven't watched Psych in two weeks, but that didn't stop me from having the most intense Psych dream ever. Perhaps my brain is telling me that it's time to start catching up again...

OK, start off with Shawn climbing his way down a building. He climbed out the window of the tenth floor and starts finding finger/toe holds to make his way down. As it turns out, he's gone fugitive and Lassie/the Chief are after him. On the way down, he dives through the window into a high class Japanese restaurant. One of the waiters recognizes him and serves him up some fresh salmon, just the way he likes it. However, right when he's about to dig in, Lassie and the troops storm in and demand that Shawn surrender himself. The manager, who for some reason is dressed up in Japanese general garb, busts out a huge samurai sword and threatens to decapitate Shawn. The waiter, who has suddenly changed into a Japanese soldier's uniform, busts out his own sword and swears to defend Shawn with his life. Of course, the general disembowels the soldier, but the distraction was enough for Shawn to get away. While Lassie and the boys are struggling to arrest the general, Shawn calls for the attention of the crowd and directs them toward the bloodbath in order to cause more confusion and mask his trail.

Lassie tracks Shawn down to a seedy hotel where there is a "Lassie" signed in. Convinced that this is Shawn's room, Lassie storms in with his gun drawn. However, the sleeping figure turns out to be a complete stranger. As it turns out, Shawn switched rooms with the man and escaped out the window after he heard Lassie yelling in the next room.

All of a sudden, Shawn's in my backyard. He starts jumping fences to find a hideout. According to his research, all the families living here are out on vacation for a week. He finds a small triangular space enclosed by the intersection of the difference fences and decides to hideout there. Lassie and the Chief start searching the houses. They have a consultant who claims to have been in contact with Shawn. He remembers telling Shawn about the "delta", the triangular space where Shawn is currently hiding out. Panicked, Shawn activates the distraction he had set up before. Lassie and the Chief hear a sneeze in the bushes followed by the sound of running behind the bushes. They open fire. However, after they do a search in the bushes, they realize that they have just destroyed a very expensive sound system that Shawn had set up to go off to give him time to escape.

Shawn crashes through the window of his Dad's house, which is, for some reason, a chapel. Oh, and Shawn can fly. Awesomeness. It turns out that his Dad had just revealed to him that he is some sort of supernatural being, hence all the observation lessons he suffered through as a child. Shawn had spent the whole day testing out his powers by torturing Lassie/ the Chief. After his epic adventure, he came to the conclusion that he loves being a ...supernatural creature. He turns around to his Dad to tell him something, when all of a sudden, he's a little boy again. He says something along the lines of "I left something in the kitchen". (In the dream, it was a very touching speech, I just can't remember it.)

He walks back into the kitchen, still as a child, and inside the kitchen is a little girl. Apparently, in his childhood, he had promised the little girl that he would come back for her but never did. He talks to this girl and makes a promise with her. He gives her his green watch as a "proposal" of sorts. As he's about to walk out of the kitchen, he tells her to meet him in the living room. With each step he takes, he starts aging back to present-day Shawn. When he enters the living room, his Dad is waiting for him with a young woman wearing a green watch. They sit down to have breakfast when Lassie comes crashing through the door, gun drawn. There is a comical moment of silence where they all stare at each other before Shawn nonchalantly invites Lassie to sit down with them for breakfast.

At this point, I wake up, ten seconds before my alarm goes off. I've been having a lot of epic dreams lately... That's what college does to you. It fries your brain and keeps you from restful sleep.

Commotion

An scathing article on fat girls came out in the JHU paper that is causing a commotion on campus. I thought it was hilarious and fabulously well written, so I am posting it here for your viewing pleasure. The school actually removed it from the JHU news website because of all the angry comments that people posted in response to it. haha. They're now trying to brush it off as satire. I was in Schaffer when I saw this angry letter posted up on the billboard about the article pushing fat girls to eating disorders. Personally, I don't see what all the fuss is about. The article is about fat girls who "bare all" which I think is pretty disturbing regardless of waist circumference. haha. Anyways, this bison is totally unoffended and amused. You guys can read and formulate your own opinions. :D Enjoy!

"Local Bison Bear All at Phi Kappa Psi’s Annual Lingerave (Opinion Section)
By Greg Sgammato

Last Thursday, September 9th, Phi Kappa Psi hosted their annual Lingerave party, a celebration of scantily clad women and booming techno music. The event was by many accounts a success, but unfortunately featured a disproportionate amount of fat chicks.

Under normal circumstances, fat chicks at a Hopkins party are neither a novelty nor a major problem. The student body has become accustomed to seeing the occasional bison at Pike; as long as direct interaction isn't necessitated, most Blue Jays are content with simply letting the livestock graze.

Such a dynamic, though, is fundamentally shifted when certain parameters change. In the case of the Lingerave, clothing - the last defense against the hordes of 'grenades' that inhabit this University - was explicitly discouraged. And herein lies the source of the problem.

Perhaps the brothers of Phi Psi actually thought that most girls at their party would be attractive. To be fair, there certainly were plenty of good-looking ladies in attendance. The problem, though, was that these girls were, by and large, the ones who remained clothed.

Unfortunately for the rest of the party, those who were most adamant about letting it all hang loose had a few too many to let hang loose. This may seem counterintuitive; why would the biggest chicks wear the least clothing? These are girls who wear sweatshirts on sweltering summer days just to hide their - admittedly substantial - arms. The answer, of course, can be found in the staple of any decent frat party: alcohol.

Alcohol boosts self-confidence; anyone who has shotgunned a few beers or dared to sip on some jungle juice can attest to this fact. Such a phenomenon, though, is exacerbated when we throw fat chicks into the mix. When buffalo - especially those who frequent frat parties - consume alcohol, they undergo an extreme and sudden inflation of self-image.

In a matter of minutes, the girl whose leggings expose a glimpse into the darker side of humanity will equate herself to Megan Fox. She - though 'it' may be more appropriate - will flaunt it like she's got it, when in fact she never had it and probably never will. She will transcend 'sloppy' and become a force to be reckoned with, an 8-on-the-Richter-Scale Neuroscience major with no test on Monday, a full fridge and an empty bed.

Needless to say, a drunk plus-size is scary enough. Yet put her in an environment in which clothing is actively discouraged and we have added insult to an already egregious injury. The end result? Fat chicks running around the Phi Psi house wearing nothing but a bra and an unfortunate pair of shorts.

Such was the inevitable downside of the Lingerave. What's most disturbing about the situation - apart from the sweat - was that it could not have been prevented.

But, you say, certainly it could have been avoided. Not the case.

In analyzing this problem, we must enter the mentality of the fat chick. She knows that, given her current situation, she will not gain admission to a frat party of her own accord. No one in his right mind would, given the chance, admit a herd of rhinos to his party. So - and here is where the hippo is at her most wily - the fat chick will systematically befriend hot chicks.

Such a relationship is symbiotic and, as such, makes intuitive sense. Hot girls associate with fat chicks as a means to boost their level of relative sex appeal. Fat chicks hang out with more aesthetically pleasing girls to leech off the perks that come naturally with their biological success. If, in the near future, one determines a means by which we can separate hot chicks from the heavy, heavy burden of their larger peers, a Nobel will surely follow.

In any case, fat chicks and hot chicks often go hand-in-hand. When they travel together to a frat party, those brothers working the door are forced to let the elephants inside; to refuse them would be incurring the wrath of their hot friends. And once inside, the damage has already been done. It's only a matter of time until the mammoths monopolize the space on the dance floor.

In the future, one can think of at least one alteration to make; indeed, perhaps advertising a party as a "Lingerave" will bring about more bad than good. While seeing a hot chick in only her underwear is undoubtedly a treat, seeing a blimp without the welcome shield of clothing is a much worse fate for everyone at the party. A seasoned veteran should have the confidence to wait until the bedroom to see his girl without clothing; don't subject the majority to the tyranny of the - funnily enough - enormous minority.

There is, of course, one more option: get obliterated. You'll be surprised how far you'll go with a half-naked wildebeest."

Testify

I've been at JHU for three weeks now and every day God's been working. Every time something good happens to me, I thank Jesus, and then I go on with what I'm doing. Some would say that's enough, but I think it's important to testify and share what God's done in your life as encouragement to others. Reminds me of that one song we used to sing in bible school as kids, This Little Light of Mine. One of my favorites, hands down. It was like Ultimate Spit Wars whenever we got to /POOH/ it out. Anyways, God's been tending to my candle (and in no way was that vague sexual reference), and I think it's about time I let it shine.

First of all, my application to JHU in itself was God's work. I'd never even heard of Johns Hopkins before applying there. When deciding what school to apply to, I looked up the 2009-2010 rankings of universities across the US. I then decided to apply to Stanford, Harvard, Yale, and for some reason, Johns Hopkins. (I think I was looking at the medical school listings.) What I remember most vividly is looking up the nearest Chipotle around JHU and thinking, "Excellent. It's right across the street." Then I applied. I mean, what other motivation did I need? Really.

Johns Hopkins was the first (and only) private to send me my acceptance. I remember playing Meerca Chase while checking my email and saying, "Oh. Nice." I told my sister on Gchat and she proceeded to call me right back and gush. GUSH. I was totally confused because I really had no intention of going to JHU. After recovering from the devastation of being rejected from Stanford, Harvard, and Yale in a span of three days, I had my heart set on going to Berkeley. I had received the Regents and Chancellors Scholarship there which would have reduced my tuition to roughly 14k, including room/board/food. I thought that, for sure, was a sign from God to put aside my pride and go to Berkeley.

A few nights later, my Aiyi came over to take us to dinner. Like Amy, she was much more excited than I was about my acceptance to Hopkins. She told me I absolutely HAD to go. I started looking into Hopkins, about its financial aid program, about its medical resources, about its statistics, and I decided to give JHU a chance. In April, I took part in the Asian Perspectives overnight program, where I stayed with a host in her dorm for three days. Originally, I had planned to go on the standard one night stay that the school offers, but again, God intervened. Because of Asian Perspectives, I met a lot of friends and made a lot of connections that have helped ease the pain of my transition to JHU.

Long story short (Lies. There's more.) , I fell in love with the campus. I came back and submitted my SIR within two days. Months later, I met up with Pastor Chang at the ADVENT training camp. We got to talking and, as it turns out, Priscilla was also going to JHU. I had no idea when I was applying that Priscilla was applying for the Peabody Conservatory. I'm totally a believer of signs (I know it's bad) and this one seemed of the neon, flashing light variety. ADVENT is a big part of my life and it felt that God was telling me that I had made the right choice in taking a chance on JHU.

Fast forward to three weeks ago. When my parents left, it was a waterworks fest. I started crying before they even left. I cried myself to sleep the first night in the dorms, tossing and turning under rough blankets that were alien to me. I cried during our last dinner together. (Rather embarrassing, really. I think the waiter and other patrons must have thought we were REALLY displeased with the meal.) I cried through our last prayer together in my dorm. I cried when they pulled away in the red pimp-mobile. I cried intermittently through my first week. I drank a lot of water to keep hydrated.

I had a lot of doubts. I had/have a lot of guilt. I passed up a 16k scholarship to come to this school. I'm at least 7 hours and $400 away from home. My parents are footing a 30k a year bill for my education. I thought for sure I had made a mistake. I should have gone to Berkeley. Then I could go home every weekend, play with the puppies, and ask my Mom to do the laundry. Sounds heavenly when you spend the first night locked out of your room, accidentally throw your only white dress shirt into a load full of colored clothes and inadvertently set it on WHITES because you thought it was the most delicate setting, and run around the entire first week trying to figure out your schedule. But God again provided.

I met up with some of my Asian Perspectives friends. Together, we managed to attract more Asians until we unintentionally made this little mob of Asians we fondly call The Asian Invasion. Most of them are engineers but we still meet up everyday to eat, study, or do homework together. When I was trying to get into Intro to Physics, a really nice upper classman walked me to Garland Hall to turn in my drop/add slip. As it turns out, he was a neuroscience major too. He gave me some tips on what classes to take, what not to take, etc. The next day, I met up with Maria, an upperclassman I met during AP, and she gave me some more advice. She is trying to double major in Psychology and Neuroscience, just like me. (She is actually the one who got me interested in Neuroscience) She also hooked me up with Stepping Stone, my current Fellowship on campus. Because God placed them in my path, I managed to work out all the kinks in my schedule and I am now on the way to becoming a double major. :)

I can't write a blog about God without talking about Fellowships. Priscilla and I agreed to find a church we could go to together, even though the Homewood and Peabody campuses are a 20 minute bus ride apart. At first, I tried out Agape with Kandice. I only went to the worship night, but I knew that Priscilla would not be able to make the morning service. Following Maria's advice, Priscilla and I went to Stepping Stone together the next Sunday. Something just clicked. The pastor, who is a Hopkins alumni, gave a sermon that completely resonated with me. He talked about how it is hard to put God above your own career and ambitions. When he talked about his motivations, dreams, and experiences, I found that I could completely relate. I actually listened to his entire sermon without texting, nodding off, or playing Bible Pictionary. I was very proud of myself. I definitely hope this is a church where I can grow spiritual roots and find myself as a Christian. On another note, I seriously need to get myself a Church Notebook because the Pastor is definitely throwing me morsels of wisdom from his table. haha

Just last week, God hooked me up with a job. I'm still a little skeptical about it. I don't know if God wants this to be short-term or long-term commitment or what he has in mind me. I'm sure if he led me here, then I have something to learn or take from here. (And I'm not just talking about free Pepsi products and $10.75/hr pay. Yayuh.) I'm taking a leap of blind faith here and I'm just going to go with God's flow. I struggled with the job after the first day. Telemarketing is really bad for the confidence and is not recommended for the clinically depressed. However, I've gone in three days and I am not totally fine bringing in a book and chilling for three hours. Praise the Lord.

God's just been throwing little tasty treats here and there for me. Some are bitter and some are sweet, but all are designed to teach me something. For example, the Expository Writing course I signed up for, deceptively titled "Sex and Death in Shakespeare and Beyond", turned out to be about Freud rather than, say, Shakespeare. I definitely struggled through the first two weeks, but I think I'm starting to get the hang of that now. I also won a free shirt at the IAC general meeting (It says "DOMINASIAN") and I made IAC apprentice. I'm not really sure what kind of clubs/extracurricular activities I can join with my limited time availability, but I'm just going to let God move me.

Faith. It's hard, but I'm learning. God works in my life every day. Every morning, my Dad sends me an encouraging prayer via text. (So proud of him.) I still struggle (I'm doing a lot of struggling lately. I think I should go back and see how many times I used this word.) with being away from home, but right now, things are not bad. I get by by giving thanks. I get by by thinking of all the things God still has in store for me.

First Job Interview

I went in for my first job interview today EVER. I've had interviews for board positions and colleges before, but this seemed like something different and more momentous. Sadly, this interview was much less dramatic than the ones I've had before. For one, it only lasted twenty minutes... Sadder still, it wasn't even for a job I really want.

I was supposed to go to Annapolis today, but they called me up for an interview yesterday night. The plan was to leave at 9:45 AM and come back around 4PM, spending the day touring our new state's capital. As it turns out, no one woke up until around 12 PM, so I don't even think we ended up going. I saw my RA walking around outside the AMRs at 1 PM...I think it's safe to assume the trip was indefinitely postponed. We suck. :)

I applied for a position at the JHU Phonathon during the Student Job Fair. My job would be to call up alumni and ask for donations. Basically...I would be a telemarketer. The interviewer, Jaime, was very friendly. Her presence totally put me at ease...until she started whipping out the Questions from Hell.

1.) What about JHU would you use to convince an alumni to give?

2.) How to you respond to criticism that you know is not true?

3.) You have thirty seconds. Sell me this pen.

4.) What is the worst movie you have ever seen? Now convince me to watch it.

I don't think I did that great. To be honest, I think I sucked. I'm still not sure I should work during my freshman year, and I kind of wanted a job in my field (Neuroscience). I applied online to a Office Assistant position in the Neurosci department and I'm still waiting to hear back from them. But whatever. The Phonathon job pays $10.75 an hour and isn't federal work study. I need the money. Tuition's a bitch. I kind of want the job just to get some experience in the formal workplace. I'm just chilling now, knowing I've done my best and leaving the rest to God. Let's see where He leads me.

Now I'm studying in the library with my friends. Or, they're studying, I'm blogging. hee. I feel half asleep right now so my blog is less coherent than it usually is. (Which is saying something.) I think I'm starting to get into the rhythm of things...but this damn Labor Day weekend screwed me over again. haha. Frat parties are lame. Just sayin'

Can't wait to hear from those who have yet to start this new breed of torture!

1.) How would you c

Adapting

Whine whine, bitch bitch. I'm trying not to, I swear.

Right now, I can't picture myself living here for four years. But that's now. Who knows what I'll think in a few days, a few weeks. It's tough, but I'm hanging in here.

I am convinced my hallmates think I'm lame...which I do not deny, but I'm AWESOME too, damn it! I don't cuss as much anymore, I'm holding back on partying, and I stay home all day studying... but that don't mean I'm LAME! haha. It means I'm adjusting!

I should be ashamed at how many times I've used the word "I" in the past few sentences, but this is a personal blog, so I think I'm justified. haha.

I hope I'm just being paranoid that my hallmates hate me. ): I swear I've been getting some hairy eyeballs.

The people here, as a whole, are rather wealthy. (I'm being polite.) You have no idea how many iPhone 4s I've seen since coming here. It seems that everyone and their momma has one. The other day, a girl was wearing a real Rolex. Dayum. Anyways, hoping to get adjusted soon. Will update regularly.

Starting Out at JHU

It's official. Tomorrow, I am thrust from the cocoon of safety that was high school and emerge a full-fledged college student. The thought still sends shivers down my spine. Scarier still is the fact that my schedule still has not been finalized. For shame! I haven't purchased any textbooks and still am not completely sure where my classes are located. Apparently, I will metamorphose into a crippled butterfly.

I won't deny that moving in and going to orientation events in the past few days has been somewhat difficult. There was an epically tearful farewell between my parents and me. My sister just stood on the side and laughed...while taking pictures. I actually cried myself to sleep the first night in the dorms even though I knew I would see my parents the next day. Luckily, my roommate was out partying. The whole day spent at Inner Harbor was one of secretly tearing up and trying to inconspicuously hide the evidence before my family turned around. Who wouldathunk I was so sensitive?

I thought I would be the life of the party here at college. In fact, I am a nun. During orientation week, frats and sororities throw parties everyday to attract freshmen pledges. I turned down four invitations to go. My roommate must think I'm such a Debbie Downer. The truth is, I can still hear my Daddy's last words to me. "Abby, find a good church and grow in Christ." (Roughly translated) Lately, I've been thinking a lot about finding a strong fellowship that I can commit to and grow in for the next four years. Now that I've been placed so far from home, what better time is there to rely on God for support, comfort, and teachings? Either that or I really am turning into an old hag. Sleeping at 11 PM during the summer? FOR SHAME.

I still have attacks of nostalgia every once in a while. Sometimes I turn over in the bed with sheets that are too rough to be mine to look at the wall, barren of Lord of the Rings posters, and I feel inexplicably sad. When I walk around campus and I realize that the brick backdrop that had once charmed me would become my "home" for the next four years, I literally feel my heart wrench. I know I sound totally melodramatic and emo right now so I really got to change the mood of this. (I'm going to make myself cry.) When I think of all the free samples at Costco that I'm missing out on, I AM MUCH AGGRIEVED. When I think about how there is no authentic pho or Mexican food around here, I FEEL DOWNRIGHT SUICIDAL. Hopefully, one day I can find all the good fooding places around here and learn to love Baltimore.

The people here are so nice. It's to be expected amongst the freshmen because we are all fresh-eyed, equally isolated, and eager to start new relationships and social networks. Surprisingly, the upperclassmen, the professors, and even complete strangers are quick to give you a polite nod or even a friendly "hey there". Atmosphere-wise, I love this place. I went to church today with Priscilla and her Peabody friend, Coco. I walked to a complete stranger's house to carpool over to Peabody and later to a church 30-minutes away. Then later I find out that the stranger isn't even Christian! He just takes his girlfriend to church every Sunday. Even at church, complete strangers introduced themselves to us, friended us on Facebook, and offered to take us out and show us around. I really feel that God is working in my life, placing people in my path to support me in preparation for the future where one day I can help others.

On a side-note, today I tried to put my earrings back in and discovered that the back had semi-closed up. After much poking, prodding, and praying, I finally got the needle through. Now my ears hurt. I hope they don't get infected.

I finally had to whip out my (only set of) semi-formal attire. When I go back home for Christmas Vacation, I really have to go shopping for some business-casual shoes and clothes. I wore Nikes and jeans with my Banana top. For shame. hahaha. At the convocation, we got a glimpse of our future professors, as well as the Deans and Associate Deans of each school. They seem like such down-to-Earth and downright friendly people. I can't wait for school to start so I can start getting to know my professors. I really hope to find mentors and sources of inspiration here at Hopkins.

Still missing my family like crazy, but I know that after tomorrow, everything will be all right. Praise Jesus. :D

Aberfeldy - Love Is An Arrow

"Love is a thing that I can't describe

It sounds so foolish if I even try

Love is an arrow and it points at you

It tells you what you gotta do

Love is a verb and a noun as well

You find it in a dictionary under 'L'

To give you a description to spell it out

But they don't say what it's all about

Love is a fire that you can't control

It burns in the middle and it leaves a hole

You can fill it up and you don't know when

It's gonna start to burn again

Love is a good way to lose a friend

It's a two-faced liar that you can't defend

Love is a virus that invades your heart

It starts to take it all apart

Love is a shape that you can't define

With an odd set of angles and uneven sides

your head's that paper and your hearts the pen

Gonna do this sum again

Gonna do this sum again

Gonna do this sum again

Do this sum again

Love is a verb and a noun as well

You find it in the dictionary under 'L'

Love is an arrow and it points at me

It tells me how it's gonna be

It tells me how it's gonna be

It tells me how it's gonna be

It tells me how it's gonna be"

Epic Dream

I just had the most epic dream ever so I just had to wake up and write it down...even though it is 5:17 AM in Taiwan right now.


First, I was at school, looking for a place to hide from a female gunman. (Or a...gunwoman?) It wasn't really Independence, but a combination of Indy, Irvington, and those indoor schools you see on TV. I ended up hiding in a bathroom where I found Victor Liao, Wendy, Samantha, and Kimberly. While in the bathroom, we began debating the merits of standing and squatting toilets. I remember being terrified yet strangely offended that there were no sitting toilets in that bathroom.Later, the gunwoman was taken away by the security guard because there was a rule that said "No pets on campus" and, apparently, she had brought a dog. O.o

I ended up chilling with Mr. Sprague, who for some reason, fed me chicken tenders and french fries. I texted Kim to tell her to come over and get some, but she responded "Hell no, that room always smells like B.O." Which, now that I'm awake, seems more like commentary on Ms. Johnson's room. Mr. Sprague's room always smelled like microwave-able Italian food.

Then, the dream got even more complicated. Which is amazing, considering how strange it already was. At this point, the dream switches into third-person POV.

Sookie and Bill are sitting at my neighbor's house when a car pulls up. Sookie runs up to the car to get in, looks back at Bill, only to find his face covered in his maker's blood. She's furious, pulls off her shirt, and yells at him in her bra about how she is just a modern-day replacement for his maker. (This sentence makes more sense when I elaborate and say that Bill's maker was also clad only in a bra.) Bill begs Sookie not to cheapen herself and gets her back into her shirt. He then proposes. Sookie forgives him, they jump into the car, and take off for an undisclosed location.

They end up at some random park, with Tara and Lafayette in attendance. Tara is asking Bill about the specifics of the ceremony. Bill responds with "They pronounce us husband and wife, and I become one with my undead bride." Tara gives him a skeptical look and asks, "What do you mean undead?" Bill says nothing, but turns to look at the approaching Sookie with a gleam in his eye. Tara takes off at a sprint screaming, "NO, SOOKIE! HE'S GOING TO MU'FUCKIN' KILL YOU!" Bill tries to stop her, but is body-blocked by Lafayette. Furious, he sinks his teeth into Lafayette's neck. Lafayette manages to escape and he, Tara, and Sookie struggle to jump into the car and make their escape. Bill makes it to the car, but he is sluggish and drugged up. He dazedly asks Lafayette, "What was it?" As it turns out, Bill was reacting to the drugs in Lafayette's bloodstream that Lafayette had already developed an immunity for. Tara, Sookie, and Lafayette take off in Bill's car, hysterically laughing at their luck.

They're in the car, shooting down the highway, but all of a sudden, they see a head peeking out from over the trunk. It's Sion, who is struggling to pull himself over and onto the vehicle. They scream and Tara starts to swerve from side to side to throw him off. To their horror, they discover that Sion is not, in fact, trying to pull himself onto the car, but is actually a decapitated head and hand that have been supernaturally re-animated. After much more shrieking and swerving, they are relieved to discover that what they see is actually a video game installed on Bill's car, programmed to project videos onto the back window. Trippy.

The dream then starts to get more sane and returns to first person POV.

Somehow, I end up back at the ADVENT headquarters and meet up with Priscilla. Priscilla asks me, "Didn't you want to learn how to play that Reba song? Should I go get your guitar or mine?" I must have given her a very confused expression because she answers herself and says "All right, I'll just go get mine." This is all interrupted when Daniel calls a team meeting. In real life, Daniel Chang is always the bearer of ill news...this doesn't change much in the dreamscape. Apparently, we were attempting to evangelize in Canada. However, because our stated purpose for visiting Canada was "to spread the gospel", Canada denied us entry rights into the country. The last thing I remember is asking Daniel, "Are you going to yell at us?" but, for the life of me, I cannot remember what we did to prompt such a question.

Now that I've thoroughly documented my dream, I can finally go back to sleep. In conclusion, I think I've been watching too much TV and missing ADVENT. ): Whatever, hopefully more interesting dreams will come.

Drowning My Sorrows in Pearl Tea

I have literally had a pearl tea every single day for the last two weeks. Sometimes two. OK, to be more accurate, I have had coconut jelly tea. After the first three weeks of pearls, I got sick of them. No flavor. bleh. Exchanged them for coconut jelly and aloe, which has awesome texture AND taste! Joy!

Right now, I'm sitting in Starbucks (again). This time I purchased a tall caramel machiatto that cost me more than it would have had I been in America. Balls. But it can't be helped. This morning, I dragged myself out of bed at 6:50 AM because I had to go buy bras. Yes. Bras. My uncle drove my grandmother and me to Shilin to visit the little street vendor that we've been buying bras from for the past decade. On the way there, we had a rather unnerving conversation about how I had to buy a supply of underwear that would last me through college. Yes. A conversation about bras. With my Uncle. (shudder)

After buying six bras that I do not really like, (sigh), my grandmother took me to get some bubble ice. Usually, this is a treat, but this morning I have beastly cramps. But for my dear grandmother, I ate that taro bubble ice. However, when she suggested shopping I had to put my foot down. The thought of pushing and shoving my way through the crowded alleyway, on my period, hunched over in menstrual agony, limping, sweating, urgh. Not happening. I unashamedly proclaimed that I was on my period and that I was in PAIN. My grandma laughed. Oh, grandma. How you must love me.

I have a monster cut on my toe from the sneaky sharp rocks on the beaches of Keelung. It's really starting to bother me. The sensation is not like having another pair of lips on your foot. Except every time you kiss the ground, you feel excruciating pain. I exaggerate, but unpleasant nonetheless.

Anyways, this hot coffee is doing wonders for the cramps. It's either that or the way I'm curled into the fetal position on a couch, using my computer as a heat pack. Meh, anything to make that 115NT worth it.

Taiwan Blog: 7/17 (Heh. I forgot about this one)

07/17/10

It’s been a while since I blogged last. All I can say is that things have changed a lot and for the better. It’s the end of the second week and I am now on a train heading for TaiDong. Many people are leaving for Taipei today. Among these, the most noteworthy are Andrea, my Fremont buddy, and Lester, my Xiao Pang buddy. ): I miss them a lot. I don’t know how the skit will work without Lester’s Bert laugh. D: A lot of people are gone now, and I already know I’ll be staying up very late tonight working on tomorrow’s skit. We’ll have to change it completely because of our decimated numbers. Down from 90 to around 20. One more week to go! God has been very good to me in these past two weeks. I’ve had awesome students and even more awesome fellow teachers. It’s hard to believe how alienated I felt from these people just weeks ago. Now, I endure their absence miserably. The Lins and the Liaos! Canadians are secretly awesome. Who knew? I don’t know what I’m going to do next week when ADVENT ends and we all go our separate ways. I’m going to be a wreck.

Chilling in Taiwan

OK. I'm an atrocious person. I went three weeks without blogging once. In my defense, my brain was too liquefied to even begin a valid thought process to blog about. Two dozen howling children tend to do that to you. Also, I got a four on my AP Lit test, so I don't even know if I'm worthy to blog anymore. D: FOUR. HOLY SHIT. Not that I'm devastated about it or anything.

I don't know why, but I've really got nothing to say about the past three weeks. It was tiring. It was fun. It was heartbreaking. My emotions are still too tied up with it to really start processing all that's happened. Or all that hasn't happened.

Right now, I'm curled up in a shady corner of Starbucks, awkwardly insinuated beside a PDAing couple. I kind of stole the sofa next to them because it was the only available spot with an open outlet. It's raining like shit out there. I could take a shower in this downpour. My days have fallen into a pattern.

1.) Woken up in the morning by Grandmother - My sister gets up every morning at 6:30 to go to work. At precisely 8, my mother will knock on the door and ask if I'd like to wake up. This will reoccur like clockwork every thirty minutes until 9:30, when my grandmother will simply command me to wake up. Actually, 9:30 was the record for the latest she's ever allowed me to sleep. This morning it was 9:13. The other day, she told me to wake up "around 8" to go somewhere at "around 9". I optimistically set my alarm for 8:30. I should have known better. At 8:03 AM (I checked), I heard the dreaded knocking at my door. (sigh) We didn't even leave until 9:50.

2.) Eat Breakfast - Breakfast nowadays consists of exactly one third of a mango and one cow tongue cracker. I eagerly await the day we run out of mangoes...or cow tongue crackers. Amy will eat one-third before leaving for work. I arrive at the breakfast table three hours later and am presented with the option of the other end or the heart of the mango. Other times, I am not offered an option at all and am simply handed the other end of the mango. My grandmother, though not overly possessed of patience, is nothing if not a woman of consistency.

3.) Use the Internet - Praise Jesus for internet and half-divorced uncles. My uncle is in the midst of filing for divorce, and as a result, is more than usually nice to my sister and me. This kindness has manifested itself in the form of a loaner cell phone for me and a 3G internet source for Amy. I can now surf the internet while careening down the MRT tracks at over 50 km an hour. Again. Praise the Lord.

4.) Go Out - Occasionally, I meet up with the Changs. Other days, I just hop on the Red 38 bus and cruise down to the Danshui MRT station. There, I can decide whether to wander around local attractions and stores or take the MRT to the busier areas of Taipei. I've already spent over 500 NT on traveling alone. For shame. If I don't feel like shopping, I just plop down in a Starbucks or McDonald's and surf the internet. What I really need is a pair of earphones so I can catch up on True Blood and White Collar...

5.) Eat Dinner with Sister - After work, Amy and I choose a place to meet up and we take the MRT down to our dinner place. Occasionally, we feel guilty for neglecting the grandparents and return home for dinner. Most other times, we either meet up with Tammy (Amy's law school friend), or party just the two of us. :D Amy has a list of food places she is eager to try. I am more than happy to oblige.

Amy and I often return home around 10PM. Sometimes, if we're out with friends or nightmarketing, we can stay out until around 12 AM. I love returning home late. It's always a gamble to see if we can catch the last bus. I feel bad for the grandparents. They spend the entire day at home, either chilling downstairs with the security guards or upstairs watching old men and women like themselves sing their hearts out karoake-style on TV. What a life.

I'm not as happy as I should be, considering the liberty I've been given. My mind works itself over pointless things. I'm praying that God will help me to work through the issues that have been plaguing me lately.

Taiwan Blog: 07/03

Today was the last day of boot camp/training. That's the last time I'll ever have to stay up until 11:30 PM waiting for the shower. Ha. Not. Three more weeks to go. (sigh)

We escaped from training at 6:30PM and rushed home to change into shorts. We were forced to wear our jeans and ADVENT t-shirts today for the group picture. Despite the early release, Pastor Chang managed to kill it for us all when he gleefully informed us that we would need to be ready to leave the house at 7 AM. Bloody Hell. That means we have to wake up at 6 AM and be at the church, with some semblance of consciousness , at 8AM. Happy Sunday to you. On the bright side, we may also be taking a mini-tour of the city. The bright side may dim considerably if we have to take this journey in our jeans. I was appalled when I took off my jeans and found patches of sweat all over my derriere. Keep in mind, this was around 8:30 at night. I was SWEATING at 8:30 at NIGHT. Taiwan is clearly not a place fit for human inhabitance.

Ok. Update. Daniel, who obviously has never taken the quote "Ill news is an ill guest." to heart, has just informed us that we must wear jeans to church. With a smile on his face. He's just not human.

Despite these "minor" annoyances, we managed to have some fun today. During training, we played a series of pranks. With the help of at least 8 people, we managed to keep Daniel running around the pews to answer our "questions".

"Daniel! Daniel! Wait...never mind."

"Daniel! Daniel! Wait...I found it."

"Daniel! Daniel! Heh. Nothing."

It would have worked out a lot better if people with real questions hadn't continually butted in. heh.

Then, Eric and I sent what we thought were anonymous texts to Daniel.

"I believe in miracles since you came along, you sexy thing."

Turns out, Eric forgot that he had already given Daniel his number. Awkward winking ensued.

As a special Saturday treat, the church people dropped us off at the night market and let us roam free for an hour. I was bitterly disappointed. The papaya milk I purchased tasted like the vendor had forgotten to add sugar (or high fructose corn syrup, as it were) and I was left chewing the chunks of papaya that had settled on the bottom of my cup. Undeterred, I later bought an order of O A Jian which is a traditional Taiwanese night market food that resembles an oyster pancake. Again, major disappointment. The sauce tasted like nothing. The cake itself was burnt. I couldn't be sure if the bitter taste at the back of my mouth was a consequence of the papaya milk and burnt oyster pancake, or if it was the taste of disillusionment and the death of Taiwanese night markets as I knew them. If I could, I would write a dramatic musical about this titled "A Taiwanese Tragedy: Part One". For shame.

Well, tomorrow seems promising. I'm finally starting to get to know the other team members. Let's just say, Canadians are not as retarded as we portray them. Out of 10 or so Canadian team members, only two have been heard to say "Eh?". Also, they don't drink maple syrup and ride moose to school. I am still waiting for one of them to say "oot and aboot". heh.

Sorry if the grammar and spelling is atrocious. I'm trying to summarize my harrowing experiences in less than 15 minutes on an unstable internet connection. So (KIMBERLY), let it go.

Still depending on your prayers! :D Night!

Taiwan Blog: 06/30 and 07/02

06/30/10

Arrived in Zhanghua less than an hour ago and we’ve already made our first 7-11 trip. Two bottles of green tea for only a dollar. Life is good in Taiwan. After sitting on it for twelve hours straight on the plane and three hours on the bus, I’m positive my ass will never be the same again. Permanent nerve damage, flattening, all that good stuff. On the bright side, today promises to be a chill day. We left America at 2 AM and arrived at 6AM Taiwan time. That means after tossing and turning on the airplane, I arrived in Taiwan with a full day’s worth of work ahead of me. Oh, joy.

Eileen and Genson Hsieh are undoubtedly the best hosts we’ve ever had in Taiwan. They open up their house to over twenty kids, feed us, nurse us when we’re sick, and prophecy over us in preparation for the Big Day. Professor Hsieh even came to my baptism. I can’t deny that the Hsiehs and the work they’ve done so generously in Taiwan have played an integral part in my decision to become baptized.

So far, I’m loving all the people I’ve met. Some are church people that I’ve seen before but have never become formally acquainted with. Through the past several hours of camaraderie, I’m positive this year will be no different from the previous years in terms of the formation of close relationships.

Right now I’m typing this blog on Microsoft Word. There is wifi available here but I’m reluctant to allow the opportunity for dilution of this mission’s objective. I see missions as an opportunity to escape from the materialistic/technology-controlled environment I ensconce myself in back in America. I brought my laptop in order to register for classes on July 1^st. I know if I start using the internet to check Facebook, AIM my friends, blog, I’ll only be encouraging all the other volunteer teachers here to do the same. Live by example, Abby Wang!

Anyways, right now everyone is either sleeping or hanging out. I think I better dive right in there, lest the cliques start forming without me! I’ll continue to blog like this in blocks at a time and upload them when I have the chance. Sorry about the lack of a video blog, Kimberly Young and Jimmy Ly!

07/02/10

Wow. I’m really bad at this no internet thing. Still, I have, as of yet, not succumbed to the call of Facebook. Yeehaw! The past couple days of training have been agonizing. We leave the house at 8:30 in the morning and we don’t come back until 8:30 at night. That’s twice as many hours as I spend at school. Insanity. I’ve been in a zombie-like trance since this morning. Even the Taiwanese version of Red Bull (Savage Bull) hasn’t been able to lend a crutch to the burden of this brain-numbing fatigue. Perhaps it’s the overwhelming number of people here. (Around 90) It’s really hard to get to know everyone and socialize as a group because everyone arrived nicely pre-packaged into a clique. It’s human nature to not stray too far from what we’re comfortable with. I haven’t completely given in to Andrew’s philosophy about always being disappointed the second (or third) time around. I’m hoping my current state of emo-ness is just a passing symptom of jet lag. I remind myself often that the purpose of this mission trip is not to have fun with friends, but to fight the good fight on the battlefields of Taiwan. We here are all soldiers in Christ. We have been brought together by a similar cause, and I can only pray that unity will come with time.

PS: Today our air conditioning broke and I just about had a hernia. Luckily, we have the best hosts in the world who immediately called a mechanic. That's right. At 11 at night, a mechanic came to the house to fix our AC. I love Taiwan. I am now basking in the cool breeze of a fully functional AC unit. Thank Jesus.

Pre-Trip Jitters

I am on my period.

I am still undecided as to whether it is an omen or a blessing in disguise. On one hand, I'll be stuck on an airplane, in the window seat, with two people between me and the bathroom. It's a philosophical conundrum every time. Do I have them the ass or the crotch? (Sigh, I love Chuck Palahniuk.) On the other hand, this means I'll be spending the three weeks of mission-time period free, with no risk of suddenly transforming into a frightening dragon lady with no chocolate or Tylenol in sight. Thank God.

I leave for the airport in about an hour. More precisely, I will be going to Milpitas to board the bus that will take me to the airport. haha. I'm not even sure what time my plane is leaving. All I know is I'm supposed to meet the Pastor at the Check-in counter. Let's hope things go according to plan.

I spent last night texting back and forth with my sister while she was on the bus. Now it's my turn, but alas, none of my parents can text worth a damn. Luckily, I'll have Eric with me to make awkward conversation. yaaay.

It looks like this will be my third and last year with ADVENT. After college starts, I'll probably have to start looking for internships and research opportunities. (sigh) I'm a little bit nervous about this year because, as Andrew says, my expectations are high. ADVENT's never disappointed before. More importantly, I'm afraid that I will be so focused on having fun that I will lose sight of the objective of the mission - evangelizing. It's hard work, waking up every morning at six and staying up until twelve or later preparing for the next day's lesson. Things are so different this year, with staying in Zhanghua for two weeks instead of one, and being under Pastor Doris instead of Pastor Chang. I am the kind of person that chafes under the authority of those I do not respect. I pray that God will humble me and show me every person's merits and strengths so that I will not be blinded by my own prejudice.

Another thing, I know most of the people going this year. Usually, ADVENT is an opportunity to meet and mesh with a group of strangers. This year, so many veterans are going, I'm pretty sure that new people will be in the minority. I hope to God that we won't be clique-y. In fact, I will make it my personal mission to prevent this from happening. I WILL KILL THE AWKWARD TURTLE IN THE ROOM.

I just ask for a lot of prayer. I'm sure I'll need it. I know I'm weak, but I also know that I can do great things through Him. I'll be praying and working feverishly to help make this year a success.

May God's harvest be bountiful! :D

Boring Blogs

I recently realized that I have fallen into the atrocious habit of posting boring blogs. You know, the kind where I blog solely to document an event, even when I hold little to no interest in the actual writing of the blog. A prime example would be the last one I posted about Great America. Reading over it almost sent me straight into hibernation. Sometimes, I blog because I feel obligated to. When something big happens, for example, graduation, I feel somewhat remiss when I don't write some sort of reflection on the event. But then again, when it becomes a duty or job to write about something, chances are, my boredom is conveyed clearly in my writing. It's like "FACTS OF EVENT" + watery attempts at wit and humor = verbal diarrhea.

Speaking of diarrhea, I am suffering from a particularly severe case at the present moment. As it turns out, drinking alcohol can paralyze the lining of your intestines, greatly reducing its ability to absorb water and nutrients, transforming your ass into an effective fire hydrant. That's right. Savor the imagery.

Graduation has come and gone. My cousin has come and gone. Yet I feel way more inclined to blog about Steven's party than the aforementioned milestone events. Three rounds of beer pong, two with wine coolers. One win, two losses. Damn last cup. I really need to practice that shot. My parents, already familiar with the nature of Steven's parties, were adamant that they pick me up at 11:30PM. I, being the practiced thespian that I am, thought I made a damn good impression of stone-cold sober when I jumped onto the car. The first thing my Dad says? "I smell beer."

Crud.

Damn him and his spidey senses. I had forgotten that, while eating my spam and rice with soy sauce and watching Allen/Steven v. Rudy...other chick (Sorry), Rudy had knocked a cup off the table and splashed beer all over my calf. It probably would have been a good idea to wipe off my leg before I jumped onto the car. (sigh) My parents were surprisingly chill about it. My Dad never said a word beyond his initial observation. My mom mercilessly teased me today as I made frequent trips to the commode. "Are you ever going to drink again?" "guuuuuuh."

Graduation was boring as hell. I didn't feel like I was making a great transition, crossing the threshold, evolving into a Charizard, etc. etc. etc. I felt cold. And hungry. I hate pomp and circumstance. The best part of graduation was dinner with Yun Pei Aiyi at Wu Bing Er Yu. I got to order everything I liked. :D Happiness!

My days of late revolve around the bowel movements of my puppies. I woke up (hangover free. Yee!) at 8AM to let them out and pee. I even got up every once in a while during the Eng v. US soccer game (Final score 1 to 1...but somehow the US goal just couldn't compare with the Eng one.) to let them out into the yard and GLARE THEM DOWN until they pooed in horror. Wahahaha. Today, Sonatina bowled Sadie over and injuring Sadie's foot. That deaf lout! What a blow to her ego it must be to be so quickly replaced in the hearts and affections of her once loyal slaves owners.

Anyways, church drama is on the rise once again. I'll blog more about it when things have resolved themselves a bit more...

First Day of Freedom

I spent my first day of freedom romping around Great America. I originally planned to just take my cousin as a "Hey, This is America!" kind of thing, but a bunch of friends happened to be going on the same day. What a crazy random happenstance! Anyways, we definitely got our $20 worth.

The day started and ended at the Merry-Go-Round. I hate that ride. Guh. We waited in long-ass rides at Survivor and PsychoMouse before we ran into the LARGE group of Indy students. I still want to know if ANYONE ever does that chanting/stomping thing at the Survivor ride. I really wanted to do it, but no one else did...and I am follower. (sigh) While we waited for Wendy, Denise, Camille, Jenny, TK, Gloria, and Samantha to finish screaming their heads off, MooMoo and I went to this one souvenir shop. BE STILL MY HEART. Blonde/Blue eyed version of Bill Compton. Except his name was Greg. :D Eh, William, Gregory, both equally hot names in my opinion. Later, I totally took the group of girls by to awkwardly check him out, but they were all convinced I was influenced by my post-PyschoMouse adrenalin rush. Whatever, I still thought he was cute! I guess I just have a thing for vampire-looking boys. Woot!

Ooh, Jenny and I totally signed up for this Rockband thing onstage. We called ourselves The Auditory Ossicles and dragged TK onstage to sing Livin' on a Prayer. hee. 200,000 points. UUNNTTZZZ. High score of the DAY. Wooot! I bombed the guitar solo though. I hate Rockband. It's definitely no Guitar Hero. >:]

For lunch, we left Great America and snuck over to In-N-Out for some STRAWBERRY MILKSHAKES. The girls were definitely feeling that lactose overdose when we rode Top Gun, Vortex, The Grizzly, and Orbit back to back. Craziness. I still want to barf.

Overall, a highly satisfying day. My head is still spinning. blergh.

GREG/BILL COMPTON. CAAAAALL MEEEEEE.

WHAT.

Today, I realized that Jude Law is balding and Robert Downey Jr. might be a Republican.

My heart is broken.

It's Official

My endometrium is officially shedding.

I got so paranoid at the beach on Senior Cut Day. Am I or am I not? I remember being on my period last when Mr. Elwell was lecturing on the Menstruation Cycle. Was that two or three weeks ago? I took a two minute hike just to double check. ): Thank Jesus, it didn't come until Saturday Morning...which makes this blog one day late. heh.

I spent prom night catching up with my ADVENT friends Vicky and Angie who both happened to come back from college. Angie is working in Northern Berkeley over the summer on an architecture program with her professor while Vicky still has some finals left. (Boo, quarter system!) Still, we talked about life in general, AKA BOYS BOYS BOYS. Sadly, two years after that ADVENT summer, and I'm the only one who hasn't grown any. Dang it. When will my time come?!? We revisited childhood memories by commandeering the swing set from these two little girls at the local park. I think we may have frightened them with our maniacal laughter and [my] occasional obscenities. Good times. Then we got home, finished the Costco bag of Kettlecorn and watched The Princess and the Frog. A pretty good, if frightening, movie. Hellooooo, Prince Naveen.

(sigh) I really need to get myself a guy. I'm swooning after DISNEY cartoon characters. It's all David Kawena's fault. That horny bastard.

I'm currently rehabilitating from my addiction to Plants v. Zombies. I beat the game in two days and am currently working my way through the mini-games. I think I'm starting to tire of it though...which will give me more time for ROMANCE NOVELS! Yeeee, they finally came in at the library. One Suzanne Enoch and one Julia Quinn. I couldn't be happier if it was Kresley Cole. (Well, ok, maybe I would. Imma steal that book from Kim. >:] )

Some people say it is better to have love and lost than to have never loved at all. Personally, I'd rather have loved period. I NEED ME SOME LOVIN'. Yes, that was the sound of pure, unashamed desperation. Maybe a smidgen of self-pity and patheticness. Just a little.

I need to seriously start dieting. I've been inhaling kettlecorn like a Asian-mother-wielded-vacuum cleaner. Utter lack of self-control. Oh, the depravity! When my cousin got himself a girlfriend, my grandparents' first observation was "She's too fat." OMG. She was a perfectly respectable size. I was like "GRANDPA, if she's too fat for Ping, NO ONE is going to want me!" And my grandfather, bless his heart, said "Oh...well. Hmmm."

(sigh)

If I don't start burning fat like a cocaine-snorting B-List celebrity, I'm never going to be able to compensate for my naturally bitter disposition and contrary personality. All the romance novel heroines, although sassy, were HOT. OH NOES. I've been focusing too long on the wrong traits! I need to regroup. Waiting for liposuction is no longer a viable option. By the time I've saved up enough, I'm going to be either 1.) too wrinkly; 2.) barren; or 3.) married to Coach Ken Tanaka. NOOOOOOOO. Unacceptable!

Operation Aneroxia shall commence! I will drink milk to counteract the loss of calcium in my bones. Damn...but that milk would go down real good with some cookies....and brownies....and ice cream. GUH. NO. Wooh, slippery slope there.

All right. I gotta stop this thing I have for unavailable men. Sorry, RDJ. I'm putting you into the closet (until tonight).

I'd rather my love life be dysfunctional than NONEXISTENT. D:

Moments of Frenzy

There are moments of insanity when I am convinced that the success doesn't stand a snowball's chance in Hell. I feel the sharks circling in, blood is in the water. Then God steps in, takes my hand, and I can breathe again.

I'm still feeling slightly anxious about the success of this year's Renn Faire. I was totally chill about it until Steven casually informed me today that the Voodoo order couldn't go through. Then I started thinking about the daunting task of making 175 voodoo dolls by hand. This was all before Steven handed me a $111 receipt for his haunted house. Sweet Jesus, have mercy on this poor soul. I'm hoping like crazy that we didn't overestimate the earning power of our booths, that we'll break even with lots more to spare on our much deserved AP Lit breakfast.

I thought school ended with my last AP tests; I was sadly mistaken. (I've always wanted to use a semicolon dramatically.) Until RennFaire is over, I'm going to remain in such a state of hypertension that Legolas could pluck me and kill dozens of AP Lit students orcs. God bless Ms. Daniell. I don't see how anyone could possible cope with this madness every year. And to bring it upon yourself? Masochism Saintliness.

Like I told Steven, I'm blogging the pain away. Hopefully, this will give me the necessary strength to face the multitudes of slack faces at tomorrow's RennFaire meeting. Or reign in my temper as I mentally calculate how many of those faces are MISSING. D: Heaven preserve me.

Can you tell I've been brushing up on my Renaissance phrases/diction/syntax? Imma brush up on some scathing Bible verses in preparation for the confession booth. I can't wait to see what lechery these people can dredge up for the futile purpose of shocking me. (Insert Mandark laugh here.) NEVER! I shall prevail!

Ok. That's enough. I gots to wake up early tomorrow to run to Wal-Mart and Fabrics R Us to check out cloth/buttons/thread/stuffing for the voodoo dolls.

Fare thee well, my dear readers. May the Glorious One smile upon our next meeting. (;

Queer

What a strange mood I'm in.

Darkness lurks in the corners of my mind.

Iron Man 2 Revelation

Ok, So to be honest, my revelation wasn't completely triggered by Iron Man 2 , which is a great movie, just sayin'. I guess it was a combination of things that have been piling onto each other unnoticed since this morning. During Physics, I was doing Brandon's French homework, an analysis of an excerpt of Le Petit Prince:

"Il est bien plus difficile de se juger soi-même que de juger autrui. Si tu réussis à bien te juger, c’est que tu es un véritable sage."

This roughly translates to:

"It is much harder to judge yourself than to judge others. If you succeed in judging yourself, it's because you're truly a wise man."

This quote particularly resonated with me because I have of late stood stationary as the tides of melancholy and cynicism crept in. I was depressed because I didn't know where I was going and, as a result, become irritated by the mere presence of friends and family. I may have done or said some things in the past few weeks that reflected my dark mood and my increasingly twisted sense of humor. I know it sounds silly, but after watching Iron Man 2, I felt deeply convicted by my own conceit and selfishness. (I know, RDJ just speaks to my soul.) Maybe it was the Asian side of me keeping a running mental tab on how much damage was done in that entire, explosive, movie, but I was captivated by this sense of waste and regret.

On the way to the airport with my mom, I listened to my Mom vent about the newest Wang family drama. My newfound movie-inspired awareness made me realize just how much I suck at listening. I always tune in and out of conversations. I get the main idea that the speaker is trying to convey, but I miss the details and I lack the emotional attachment to properly care about what other's say, think, or feel. This time, for forty-five minutes, give or take, I actually listened. I took the time to weigh both sides of the argument and contemplate the emotional and psychological motivation behind each event. I used to be so good at this, I remembered, at caring and providing comfort. I don't want to be like those cold, clinical doctors who see patients as research and opportunity. I don't want to look down my nose at a warped reality, distorted by thick panes and a sense of apathy. The words of Antoine Saint-Exupery were fresh in my recollection. How can I pronounce judgment when I have never took the time to criticize my many faults?

I realized that I could never become a truly good person without first analyzing who I am at this present moment.

I have this deep mistrust of compliments. They feel superficial and fake because they correspond to this false persona I've erected around me in public. There are so many things wrong with me, I've just learned to hide them. I want to be a good person. I want to help others. If people are going to trust me as their doctor, their go-to care provider, then I must evaluate myself and change. It all sounds grossly naive, but I know everything starts somewhere. I hope to look back on this day and say... "It all started with Iron Man..."

In the end, Tony Stark was still a text-book narcissist and an ass, but at least he was one dedicated to fighting for good. There's hope yet!

Don't worry, I'm not about to inundate you with a list of my countless flaws. I can hear Pepper Potts already..."If you say the word 'I' again I'm going to actually hurl something at your head..." haha.

But anyways, good movie! Certainly life changing. (;

Renn Faire

I guess now that there's only two weeks left before the Renaissance Faire, it is officially time to start freaking out. We've done so much planning and theorizing that we're completely behind. Now it's time to whip everybody in shape, lasso them into the weekly meetings, and get things done! I'm a little apprehensive as to how in the world Steven is going to finish the Haunted House in a week, choreograph and learn the Robin Hood dance and fight scene, and build a Drench the Wench mechanism. I know I should have more faith in him but faith is definitely not my strong suit. Whew, time for some major prayer.

I've stayed up until now just compiling lists of each booth and what I need the leaders to do before this week ends. I'm hoping that more delegation will bring this Renn Faire closer into the realm of reality and actuality.

So much more needs to be done!

Prizes need to be purchased, voodoo dolls need to be ordered, rings, flowers, KIDDIE POOLS. GUH. I'm not exactly stressed yet, but I'm feeling pressed for time. Every moment of inaction eats at me. Is that stress? I've learned to ignore it and just feed the compulsion. Work work work. Keeps the hands busy and the mind occupied.

I'm a little disappointed in the AP Lit class. I thought everyone would be excited and eager to pitch in...but then again, I now realize that was grossly optimistic of me. People barely turn up to meetings and there's only a handful of students we can rely on. Still, I remain hopeful that things will start looking up as we kick into high gear. Maybe Ms. Daniell will kick people into shape. haha. C'mon Baird and Bebe's class, get your act together! Actually, c'mon Baird and Bebe, WHERE YOU AT?

Tomorrow, I got to go talk to Melvin about the final timeline of the RennFaire and about borrowing costumes from the Drama department. Then there's a RF meeting during lunch. I hope people show up! (crosses fingers) I really can't wait to see this thing go down.

Steven, I believe in you! (though it kills me to.)

Mentalist Madness

OH JESUS CHRIST. I just watched three episodes of The Mentalist back to back.

Omg. In the latest episode, this cute kid was murdered by a clown. I HATE CLOWNS. I screamed when they showed him hiding behind tree. I'm not getting any sleep tonight. D:

Insatiable

Mr. Darcy, WHERE ARE YOU.

Except now, I will no longer be content with merely Darcy. My perfect man now must possess the wit of Benedick, the sarcasm (and baritone) of Snape, the intelligence of Sherlock Holmes, and the dark/brooding/misunderstood appearance of Darcy.

Goddamnit. I'm going to die painfully alone.

License to Kill

I've been in a constant state of heightened anxiety for the past three days. I had how you have to make a driving appointment at the DMV a month in advance. It's like sentencing yourself to four whole weeks of anticipation, fear, and occasional nausea. I admit that driving has become a personal demon after three failed attempts for that tiny plastic medal.

The amount of intense prayer I've been doing since yesterday must have been clogging up God's inbox. Prayers for wisdom, courage, confidence, guidance, DIVINE INTERVENTION... I even prayed in the shower. At one point, I was so desperate that I swore to give up cursing if I passed the driving test. I'm working on that right now, trying to figure out what words constitute as obscenities. I mean, is "douche" really a bad word?

I spent last night tossing and turning restlessly in my bed. I must have mentally gone over every possible route that the proctor could take me on. I reminded myself to come to a complete stop before every limit line, go forward a little to see oncoming traffic, and come to a complete stop again before turning right at a red light. I reviewed the right-of-way for every possible scenario. What if there was a garbage truck in my way? A train? A schoolbus? God forbid, a firetruck or an ambulance? You can imagine the kind of paranoid nonsense running through my brain at 3-4 in the morning. All the while, I had background prayer on repeat in my head. Insanity.

I owe a lot to my family. They've supported me emotionally, financially (each retake cost $12), and mentally throughout this entire ordeal. As I waited in line for the proctors to reach me, my Dad attempted to distract me by spouting miscellaneous anecdotes ("Say, did you hear about the Chinese girl who was stripped of her gold-medal?"). My mom would call every once in a while for updates. My sister was praying for me in Chicago. (:

But more than anything, this victory goes to God. Just last week, Andrew Tai shared this scripture with us:

"Now listen, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business, and make money.' Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, 'If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that.'"

-James 4:13-15

I think my previous failures were lessons and reminders for me to humble myself. Everything I've accomplished, I've done through God's will. Through God, all things are possible.

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."

- Matthew 7:7

I kept these verses in mind as I prayed feverishly to God. I prayed that His Will would be done and that He would comfort me, whatever the outcome.

GOD WAS WILLING. YEEEEE!

I could not have done this without the Big Guy. Every time I went in for the driving test, my skin would feel either flushed or clammy, my hands would be shaking, my legs would be wobbly, my pulse would be racing, my thoughts jumbled and incoherent. It may sound like I'm exaggerating, but my parents can attest to the fact that the pressure I feel from simply being in the presence of the Fremont DMV is palpable. I plan on never returning ever again! hee!

When we pulled back into the DMV, the lady just ripped off the top piece of paper and handed it to me.

"Take this to window 11."

"...Does this mean...I passed?"

"Mmhmmm."

"OH...MY...GOD. Excuse me, what's your name, ma'am?"

"Kalala."

"THANK YOU KALALA. Can I shake your hand?"

(exchange handshake)

"Would you like me to walk you back to the DMV?"

"No. It's Ok. You can go."

I literally held the door open for her, helped her out of the car, and shut the door for her. I'm pretty sure all proctors are monotone by default, but..I STILL LOVE HER. :D

PRAISE JESUS.