Discoveries

Yesterday, Mymy and I made a potentially life-altering discovery. One of those discoveries that make you go, "Oh shit, put that back in the box1 Can't be having that around these parts."

The day started out promising. On my way to work, my iPod starts playing some ABBA ("Take a Chance"...best song ever.) and I started the day in an insanely good mood. The optimist in me thought this mood would carry me through the entire day...the realist should have realized that it meant things could only go downhill from there. It wasn't exactly a bad day at work, just business as usual. Long. Repetitive. Brainless work. My favorite. But at exactly 11:30 AM, disaster struck. I made the gruesome discovery (not the life-altering one) that I had forgotten my lunch on the kitchen counter. My painstakingly prepared lunch where I had lovingly spread just the right amount of fake Nutella on one slice of bread and raspberry jam on the other and brought them together in a sacred union of gastronomic bliss. Son of a bitch. Good day dead.

Got back home tired and hangry. Was NOT in the mood to take the full-length and I managed to talk myself into taking a break for a day. Ended up playing Tetris in the library and distracting Mymy from her LSAT studies. Mymy, being the good friend with overbearing maternal instincts that she is, persuaded me to go over to her place instead of marinating in melancholy by my onesies. I brought dinner...she brought hard apple cider.

Thus A DISCOVERY WAS BORN. (duuuun dun dundundun duuuun dun)   Did anyone get Powerpuff girls from that? No? Damn.

Alcohol is an instant pick-me-up. Apparently I don't respond to apple pie or ice cream, but alcohol makes me (reluctantly) joyous. This soon snowballed into a "Hey, let's drink tonight!" and we ended up roping a bunch of friends into a night of debauchery and drunken revelry. OK not so much. We sipped daintily on wine coolers, played King's Cup, and exchanged clothing. Yeah...we're those people.

Twas' a fun night. Wish y'all could have been there.

Online Shopping and CCC

Recently discovered online shopping and made the mistake of signing up for a bazillion mailing lists. Now my email is being bombarded by all these sales that looks amazing. ): Today, I am decked out in my new Hollister shirt (so middle/high school, I know, I'm always a full four years behind). I realized how Californian I look in my flip flops, but I'm embracing it because I am crazy homesick right now. I've had dreams about being back home or being with my parents for the past three nights now. I think my subconscious is telling me that staying in Baltimore all summer was a bad idea. Still, no regrets. I've had a great summer and I know that I've grown and learned a lot in different ways than summers past. Change is always good, right?

Currently chilling in Starbucks and trying to delay the inevitable -- Full Length Round 6. ):  I'm liking the Summer Abby, I feel pretty laid back about everything, no stress on the horizon. Hope this attitude lasts. That's my goal for the rest of my life: don't let immediate situations impact my overall perspective on life. No single event is going to make or break me. Unless we're talking about my death. Or my full body paralysis. Goddamnit, just undermined my entire philosophy.

Also, my attempts to better educate myself on the world are failing miserably. Research articles are SO BORING. Where are the flashy six-packs positioned strategically to capture my attention? Instead, I am presented with colored blobs or diagrams that I can't make heads or asses of. Clearly, I am not PhD material.


Ooh, made my first client calls last night. It was heady; I am a case manager! :D I mentioned earlier that I've just started volunteering at the Charm City Clinic. It's a completely student-run operation where we reach out to the un(der)insured in the surrounding community and try to educate them about and connect them to available healthcare options. As a volunteer, I am assigned clients, most of whom are uninsured but qualify for the Primary Adult Care (PAC) Program in Maryland which gives them access to primary care. Even though there is this great resource available, most of the uninsured population remains unaware of its existence. My job is to help my clients fill out an application, walk them through their options, and make sure they get the healthcare they need and deserve. Very different from what I do at Shepherd's Clinic, and it really has given me a different perspective on the Johns Hopkins Hospital, and on a larger scale, the American healthcare/welfare system in general.

 It's sobering to learn, through extended interaction with my clients, how dependent they are on us for this information. Getting healthcare should not be this lengthy, esoteric process! Many programs offer great benefits, but fail to advertise adequately amongst their target population. Intentional? Maybe. Even things that are taken for granted by many of us, for example, being put on hold, can prove to be barriers to people who have limited access to phones or have few minutes to spare on their sparse monthly plans. Sometimes, my clients ask my questions that make me pause and think, "Say what now?" and I begin to realize how alien what I view as common knowledge because I had the privilege of growing up with healthcare (Kaiser baby, born and raised!) can seem to those who haven't had the same experience.

Just the other day, we had a client who thought the $20 co-pay was the price of medical services rendered. Imagine her surprise when she receives a $300 bill in the mail. Now imagine that again, from her perspective, as someone on a fixed income, paying rent, and supporting a family. The misunderstanding makes her wary of going in for medical care and fosters suspicion of medical institutions in general. Luckily for her, there is a financial assistance program at most hospitals where, if you make under a certain percentage of the federal poverty line, you can apply and have your medical bill waived. That's where we at the Charm City Clinic come in. 

I have learned more from two training sessions/ one day in the clinic than I have in a year of public health classes at Hopkins. Then again, I did spend that year playing Tetris and on Tumblr sooooo.... teehee.

Anyways, here's to doing my small part to making a difference in someone's quality of life!

Braaaains

Got to stand in on my first brain cutting today. It was actually really anti-climactic because the doctor didn't really bother to explain anything and just started slicing away at the brain like it was a loaf of bread. She's all like "Oh, well obvious degeneration in the hypothalamus there." and I'm like "WHERE. THIS WHITE BLOB OR THAT ONE OVER THERE?" Internally, of course. Externally, I am all calm and composed and "Mmhmm"-ing like a boss. (Literally. That's what my boss was doing.)

Still, pretty awesome to see a brain for the first time. Can't wait for Neuro Lab. It was hard to comprehend that I was staring at something that was inside someone's head and functioning just two weeks ago, that the matted net of blood vessels that the MD was yanking away from the cortex once fed thoughts, emotions, and philosophical tangents. Crazy. Definitely not the same emotional/psychological impact as seeing someone's head splayed open on the table, or even an arm or leg being clinically dissected on the slab. It looked like...foie gras, especially when she was laying into it with that large knife. Whooo-ee.

Anyways, that was fun. Then, because we had to wear lab coats to the cutting, my boss was like "Hey, we should get you one!" and I was like "That would be splendid." while I did internal cartwheels of joy. Ordered one with my name on it and everything. :D SO MUCH HAPPINESS. I feel like I finally get to play doctor for real now. Simple pleasures in life, sigh.

THEN, my boss is like, "Today is Tuesday right? JALAPENO POPPERS." I was like "What sorcery is this?" and she takes me to the food truck, Grr Che, outside of the book store. No lie, that was an amazing grilled cheese sandwich. Jalapeno peppers, cream cheese, pepper jack, and bacon grilled between sourdough. Mmmm. The hint of spice was just what I needed to clear up my sinuses. Yeah, it was $7.50, but once a week...I think my pocket...and my waistline can handle that.

Just went to the gym. Spent a good two minutes debating what to do once I got there. Man, I be out of shape! Time to get on that!

Diseased

I am bed-ridden with disease. Except not really. Because I only get free WiFi (hijacked from the Public Health house next door) in certain parts of the room, I am strategically lying on the floor.  Anyways, I've completely failed at being a committed blogger. I really tried. The first night, I had a monstrous migraine. It was so bad, I couldn't focus on the last 15 minutes of my Korean drama. When a migraine messes with my bad romcom fix?...it's bad. The second day, I spent the entire afternoon at Charm City Clinic (which is awesome! More on that later...), went to dinner with friends, and spent the evening with Chumin strategizing for our next FULL day of shopping. I still can't believe the Towson mall only opens from 12-6PM on Sunday. Probably better that way, because I would be a lot more than $100 poorer right now. Tax free week, yo!

Another large part of why I probably would suck at blogging every day....not much happens to me. Certainly not enough to blog about: "Today I ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Except I used mocha hazelnut spread instead of peanut butter. Ho ho, I am so whimsical! It was much more delicious than yesterday's sandwich. I think I will make my sandwiches this way in the future." 

...Really. Who wants to read that? Not me two years from now, wondering what I was like in my youth/pre-Med school. I still remember opening the time capsule that our third grade teacher Ms. Jones sent us when we graduated from high school. Third-grade Abby had written, "You were cool once, Abby. Remember that." Hurtful words, third-grade Abby. Hurtful words.

Just woke up from a five-hour nap and have resigned myself to being severely jet-lagged in the morning.Then I thought, hey, my best essays have been written in the wee hours of the morning, I should blog now while my creative juices are...fermenting. How does that expression go?

So yes, I have been contemplating on different topics to write about. I need to practice expressing and defending my opinions on a variety of topics to get in shape for the MCAT Writing Sample. While ruminating over this in the shower, the realization struck me. I have no opinions. I feel apathetic, or at most, ambivalent, about most issues. I've been marinating in a culture of tolerance for so long, it takes a lot to stir me to scream RIGHT or WRONG. I mean, I used to feel strongly about people who smoked. Then a bunch of my friends took up smoking (or revealed that they, in fact, have been smoking all along), and I discovered it wasn't the end of the world. I still love my friends and far be it from me to make them feel uncomfortable doing something that, to them, is part of a daily ritual. At the same time, my friends respect me and, even though they don't have to, go out of their way to make sure I'm not exposed to any second-hand smoke inhalation. Drugs? Well, pick your poison.  Alcohol? Yes, please. You see, I'm just too emotionally unattached to express disapproval or preach about any of these issues. I believe that each individual should be able to make their own choices and not have to take other people's preferences into consideration, especially if the aforementioned others won't even be impacted by these life decisions.

Still, I don't think "I politely decline to take sides on this issue" is going to fly on my MCAT.

I've been brushing up, trying to read some Op/Ed articles, research journals, ethical debates, etc., not just for the MCAT, but so that in the future I'll have more to contribute in a conversation with my superiors than "Awesome." "That's cool!" Or the worst offender, "Niiiiice." Yeah, it's pretty bad.

Ok. I should probably try to get some more sleep. Work tomorrow. :\ I literally got paid $9 this morning for standing around and having an hour-long conversation about irrational parental worries with my  boss and the psychiatrist on staff.  Best job ever.

Continuity

You know that feeling when you're absolutely convinced that something monumental has just happened, that your life will never be the same, that surely tomorrow morning when you wake up, things will be so fundamentally different that you won't even remember what life used to be like before the Big Change? Then life kind of just moves on, the endorphins wear off, and every great thing just  fades into shades of nostalgia and memory. Life's funny like that.

I feel like a momentous chapter of my life has just ended. If my life were one of those Pick-Your-Own-Ending books, I'd be standing at a crossroad debating between "If you'd like to move on with your life, keep reading. If you think it's time to start making crazy life decisions in your emotionally compromised state, throw the book on the ground!" The past six weeks of my life have been some of the most fulfilling and peaceful I have known in a long time. I know most of the other Pre-College RA's would beg to differ, but I am so accustomed to summers being packed with drama, disease, and discomfort (I literally just sat here for three minutes trying to come up with the third alliterative adjective), that this was the first actual summer vacation I've had in over a decade. AND I got paid for it.  I'm not saying that experience has changed my perspective of ADVENT, but it's definitely something I didn't know I needed to prepare me both emotionally and mentally for the impending MCAT lockdown.

I'll eventually write more about the Pre-College experience, but I wanted to preface the upcoming posts with a bit of a warning:

I am writing under duress.

While taking the practice full-length MCAT, I was horrified by the discovery of a Writing Sample section. What. the. Fuck. I literally flinched away from the computer screen at the mere thought of answering the hated prompt. (I didn't. Skipped that section like a boss.) This was then coupled with a reading passage about how the current generation is no longer capable of thinking for itself. That our thoughts are unoriginal and learned. I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM ANYMORE. So yeah, I'm writing these posts to force myself to remember what it's like to form thoughts and put them down in (semi)coherent sentences. Practice makes perfect. Sigh.

So yeah. For the last three days, my world has been work, MCAT, ramen, Korean dramas, empty apartment. If I die young, don't bury me in satin. In fact, don't bury me at all, I'd like to be composted. And if there are roses anywhere NEAR my casket, I will come back and haunt you all. 

Yeah, this is going to be harrowing butt fun.