Spring Break

Nothing like eating at your desk, realizing you need a napkin, and finding one lying on the table. It's like a Christmas day miracle. But I digress...

Woken up by my allergies this morning at six. Stuffy nose and sneezing up the wazoo. Instead of getting up and doing something like a productive person, I tossed and turned in misery before picking up my kindle...which only compounded my misery. Several days ago, I was perusing the NY Times Bestselling list and found some kinky romance novel that sounded promising --- Fifty Shades of Grey. Garbage. Utter garbage. I've read better fanfiction. Which is pretty much what this is. Cross out the name Christian Grey every time you encounter it and pen in "Edward" and you have some pretty inspiring Twilight porn...except without quite as much blood fixation. As atrocious as it is, I can't stop reading and unfortunately for me, it's a trilogy. The author's favorite word is apparently "convulsions", and for the life of me, I cannot fathom how that can ever be...pleasant...let alone desirable. Anyways, I spent my morning reading about epileptic sex.

I have a Korean oral exam in a little more than an hour, but really, how do you study for an oral exam? My listening skills are awful. I can't understand what most people are saying even when they're speaking English. BUT, apparently, I have the verbal fluency skills of an ADHD kid on crack. I passed the Stroop test with flying colors when I was getting screened for dementia. Can I get a "woot woot"? Just got an email from my supervisor giving me the day off. DOUBLE WOOT WOOT.

Spring break pretty much started on Wednesday for me, after my Nervous System midterm, my pre-college RA interview, and my Korean written midterm. By the grace of God, my Orgo midterm was moved to the Thursday after break. Phew. So, I decided to double up on clinics Wednesday evening. I went to Shepherd's then after that, tried out the Baltimore Rescue Mission Clinic with WPHLS. I'd always wanted to go but never got the chance. I've heard conflicting viewpoints about it, some people telling me it was the best experience of their lives while others told me they were exposed to TB and were going to die within a week. Needless to say, I was intrigued.

We get to the clinic downtown and park shady-like by the side of the road. The clinic is on the third-floor...I think, and we pass through what looks like a dining hall and cabin bedrooms of a run-down summer camp. Apparently, the clinic is in something like a homeless shelter. When we finally make it upstairs, there are already several people there. Some are obviously Hopkins students, but there are a few people milling about in white doctor's coats who have the bright-eyed, self-assured look of medical students. The one doctor in the room quickly calls everyone to attention.

"Any newbies here?"

Uhhh...I get pushed out into the spotlight. Along with another girl, I'm sequestered off to the side and given a quick three-part crash course in medicine.

1.) SOAP:

Subjective: The patient's chief complaint. This made me very glad I took HERU courses. Gotta bust out my OPQRST and...other stuff I've since forgotten.
Objective: Vitals, etc. Hard facts and numbers
Assessment: This was the best part! After we interview the patient and gleaned all the relevant information we could, we get to present the cases to Dr. Dalton.
Plan/prescription: Dr Dalton then precribes treatment accordingly.

2.) This is where the drugs are. This is where the gloves are. This is where the goggles are. That's the bathroom.

3.) This is how you get HIV. Don't get HIV.

I'm like "Uhh...are we going to be actually interacting with patients by ourselves?"

"Oh, you'll be in groups." Titi reassures me.

Great.

We are ushered back into the group just as they were leaving to enter the waiting room. Dr. Dalton is the nicest man I have seen in a long time. He asks us to each introduce ourselves to the patients and leads us in a quick prayer before clinic begins. "Things always go better when we start with prayer."

Then patients are assigned. Well, not so much assigned as...start walking and wait for two/three students to attach themselves. There was an awkward moment where two people tagged onto a man and I wasn't sure if I was to follow so I stood around helplessly until a seasoned worker caught my eye, gestured at the side room with her arm, and firmly said: "GO."

Yes'm!

I've never had the opportunity to actually interact with a patient before. It was amazing. I don't know how much I'm allowed to say (Who really remembers all that HIPAA stuff?) but I'll err on the side of caution and focus more on what I observed from a social perspective. The patient was very respectful even though it was obvious that he was faced by four inexperienced college students. We had a small netbook for writing down relevant information. From the beginning, we were plagued with technical difficulties. While two students figured out the computer, Jess and I talked to the patient. He looked tense, twitchy almost, and it turned out that he had a history of anxiety which led to a mild case of claustrophobia in the crowded room. I guess what really bothered me was that the two students on the computer kind of acted as if the patient was not there. No small talk, no eye contact, just pointed questions followed by furious typing on the computer, then murmured comments to themselves, to the other students, but never the patient. RUDE.

The worst part came later when our patient had already been assessed by Dr. Dalton. We realized that in our noobness, we had not taken the patient's vitals. The patient was showing signs of agitation and he was clearly not feeling well. He started complaining about how the clinc/shelter was infested with bedbugs and promptly took off his shirt and plucked one off for us to see. The student who was on the computer recoiled in horror. I'm like "Calm yo titties." He then runs off to grab a sandwich bag to get a sample and show the doctor. When he returns, the patient is worse. The student then informs the patient that we need to take his vitals. The patient is irritated and demands to know why we didn't do it earlier. The student, who's been at the clinic before, hands me a stethoscope. I'm like "Whuh." Hello, first time at clinic and I'm clearly incompetent. I don't even know what a full vitals work-up entails.

The student: "You've never taken blood pressure before right?"
Me: "Um, nope. "
He hands me the stethoscope.
Him: "Now you can learn."
He leaves.

What the fuck.

We've already established that the patient has a fever. He's not feeling well, he's agitated, he's claustrophobic and stuck in a small space. People keep on crowding into the exam room to talk to him and he is now visibly upset. Now is not the time for you to give me that shit-eating, smug-ass grin of yours and tell me to bumble-fuck my way through an examination on a distressed patient. As I hesitate, a medical student senses my unease and comes over.

"What's wrong?"
"I've never done this before."

Med student is calm.

"Don't worry, I'll walk you through it."

He introduces himself to the patient. He brings me over. However, after introductions are made, he also senses that the patient is somewhat less then pleased. I quickly explain the bedbug situation and the claustrophobia. At this point, the patient is loudly exclaiming: "FILTHY. This place is FILTHY." The med student, all casual-like, gives me a reassuring nod and gestures me out. He takes care of the problem.

Now I will be the first to admit that I have no balls. None. Not even a travel-size. Still, I'm always open to get my hands dirty (unless it involves spiders) and learn. However, I do believe there's a time and place for everything. We're at a clinic. The patients have come to get treatment. The priority is the patient's comfort, not my own learning. This asshole student with an inflated sense of self-importance acts like the clinic is a classroom where his amount of "experience" (namely, more than mine) entitles him to act like a pretentious prick and grants him the ability to graciously bestow learning opportunities on the peons around him. That is unacceptable. I may have been overly sensitive because as the patient got more and more worked up, my nerves were getting increasingly stretched out. I'm like "Aaaaah, he's not happy. Why don't you guys care that he's not happy, let's make him happy, I must do somethinggggg." When other people are not happy, I feel like I've failed the world in some way. But that's just my own neuroses speaking.

My own biases aside, the Baltimore Rescue Mission Clinic was one of...medical experiences I've ever had. Being the noob, I was assigned to present the case to Dr. Dalton. I know I'm just stringing words together and I'm practically gushing in my own excitement, but there's just something about attempting to speak doctor talk that makes you want to thump your chest and say, "Yeah. That's right. I'm the shit." And the assessment of the patient is interactive. Dr. Dalton asks us what we think the important facts are -- the "hints". Then he asks us how we would treat these causes and symptoms. Actually, he doesn't just ask. He points at you and demands to know the answer. This is particularly unfortunately when you've spaced out because you were too busy eying the cookies on the desk with ardent longing. (But I got the answer right. Find it before the arthritis sets in! I've now much more knowledgeable about Lyme disease.) After you've presented your case, he asks you to respectfully listen and weigh in on other cases as well. My goblet of glee runneth over.

In the end, we did get to help my patient. We got him new clothes, bed bug killing shampoo, and the prescriptions he needed. I talked to him before he left, just to apologize again for the frenetic atmosphere and my own lack of experience. He was very understanding and even apologized to me. For what, I don't know, but when he thanked me for my time, it felt good. Fulfilling. Almost as fulfilling as getting on my knees and scraping the adhesive off that hardwood floor at Remington Outreach. But very near to that feeling of ecstasy and satisfaction.


It's experiences like these that make me question then reaffirm why I want to be a doctor. I'm still thinking, more details on that later. But for now, I'm thankful for these opportunities and hope to keep them coming.

Okay, off to class. Need to start packing/cleaning soon. -___-. Boston, Philly, NYC with my sister in less then 24 hours! Watch out food of the world. Soon you will GET IN MY BELLY.

Best Text Convo I've Ever Had

I'm at work right now, but this was brilliant so I had to post it before I accidentally deleted the text. I'm scanning teleforms when I get a text from a number I don't recognize:

Her: Baby? Are you up?
Me: who is this?
Her: What? Are you with your wife?
Her: Marissa of course baby.
Me: Get thee behind me, Satan!
Her: Huh?
Her: Oh this must be her. Tell my man I said to call me.
Me: YOUR MAN?? Bitch, I will cut you.
Her: Sorry I think I texted the wrong number I was looking for 5515 not 5155 I really apologize...Hungover
Me: Aww, it was fun while it lasted. Have a happy adulterous life! :)


No joke. That is the exact conversation transcribed word for word. Made my day. I think I'm going to make it a habit to text random numbers now and start drama.

"WHO IS SHE. I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING SPECIAL"

Ok, back to work...

UPDATE: Her: "Haha! You so funny!!"


UPDATE 2: So, I was talking to Clinton who says " I suppose now you know the number she was going for...you can warn him". And this gets me thinking of all the ways we can mess with Marissa's poor unsuspecting lover.

Should I text him and say "I know your secret?"

How about "I want a divorce." ?

My personal favorite, coordinate a group a people to text him, one letter at a time, "A-D-U-L-T-E-R-E-R". 

BRILLIANT.

Any suggestions?