Second Day of School

The first day of school has come and gone and now I'm halfway through second. Already, I've questioned and doubted myself and almost dropped my double-major. I have a pretty packed schedule, class everyday from 9AM to ~4:30PM, except on Fridays when I have Orgo Lab until 6:30 PM, but most of those hours are filled with my RA hours. I'm actually supposed to be doing my RA duties right now. (; Still, when there are no subjects in the lab, it's a great time to catch up on schoolwork, or as is the case right, just think.

I might not actually be able to do my 9 hours a week RA schedule this semester, which would totally bum me out and destroy my college plans. With my current load, I'll be taking 19.5 credits, three of which are research credits. That's only 5 classes though -- Orgo, Orgo Lab, Korean I, Rev. Ref. and Inequality of China, and Nervous System I. I'm not sure if this is a crazy schedule...will find out today. Still, I want to avoid dropping any research credits because I want to finish up that requirement this year. That would free up my next two years for clinical research, which I am very interested in looking into. If I drop a class, I'd probably drop China, but that would force me to take over two East Asian studies classes each semester in my Senior year. Suck suck suck. I actually stayed up for an additional hour last night thinking about these things.

I spent my down time at research yesterday emailing the Dean of Academic Advising and my department head/advisor about my conundrum. To overload on credits, I need approval from the Dean of Academic Advising. He told me to get a letter of "support" from my department head/advisor. She hasn't responded yet. :\ Why must they make my life difficult? Let me slowly kill myself in peace.

Anyways, on a more optimistic note, I'm getting along great with the new lab manager! She's from Australia and we had a great time yesterday talking about cultural differences. They don't have pumpkin pie...or THANKSGIVING. (gasp) Even though it's totally a "duh" realization, it's still mindblowing that they have no pilgrims or turkey in November. No Sasquatch...Satchmo...uh...Shaniqua?...whatever that Native American corn master's name was. Also, their Christmas takes place in their Summer. Their Santa dashes through the bush! D: I think she's also open to getting me a lot more involved in the lab this year. Score!

Nervous System, China, and Orgo Lab are the only classes I have yet to sit in on. I'm excited and terrified all at once. ): Still praying that everything works out. I keep on reflecting on PR's message from last week, about how we weren't made to always push ourselves to the limit. But how do I avoid doing that when I don't know what my limits are? Also, in my QTs on Monday, I came across this verse:

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness"

-- 2 Corinthians 12:9

Now I just have to learn how to be content in my own weakness.

End of Summer

I can't believe summer is coming to a close already. Looking back, it's hard to process that I already spent over two months in Taiwan and another one chilling/eating in San Jose. Great things were done this summer but I can't let the fading memory of those things hold me back from doing many more this semester. I'm always really sad after saying goodbye to my family. I DIDN'T CRY THIS TIME. YES. That part will come after I'm all moved into my new single and the realization dawns that, once again, I am alone.

I worry about a lot of things when I leave the house. First and foremost, the dogs. I miss my babies so much. ): But after seeing how suddenly Sebastian passed, I'm more and more concerned for Sonatina. I don't want another situation where the bad news is relayed over the phone and goodbyes are left unsaid. I also worry about who will keep the peace in the family when I'm gone. I don't have the best of tempers, but I have the worst of guilty consciences. I feel like this summer, after spending a week with Dad on his turf, I have a better understanding of my Dad as a person, and consequently, the problems that this family continues to stumble over. Still, in my absence, all I can do is pray and surrender all these problems to God.

It's like I've lost all concept of time. Last year passed by so quickly. In fact, it feels like just a few months ago when I boarded a plane to go to Baltimore for the first time, a pre-frosh looking for something outside of what she already knew. Now that I've seen what lies on the other side, I wish I were back here where home is. Still, I am constantly reassured that I am in the right place, that I have allowed myself to be led by God. The near and distant future are still blank to me right now -- the new concerns this semester will bring, what to do next summer, how to get into med school -- but I feel that each new obstacle that I tackle only brings me closer to God and one step closer to realizing His plan.

It feels like I've learned so much this summer and at the same time, nothing at all.