So 2010 started off on a sad note. On January 1, my parents and I sent my sister back to Chicago at 6 in the morning. I still can't believe that one day, it will be just my parents at the airport, waving goodbye to me as I embark on a new chapter of life. I still remember when both my parents would walk with me around the elementary school campus before school started...A part of me wishes that my parents will always be around to hold my hand. Sometimes, thinking about growing up is a lot harder than actually growing up, I guess.
That Sunday, Jan. 3, I conveniently forgot about a Interact area meeting and went to church. I'm glad I did. Pastor Quoc gave a sermon about New Years Resolutions. He gave us five, bad sadly, I only remember like...four, and out of order.
1. Read the Bible
2. Pray for friends, family, and the church
3. Fast in prayer
4. Share your faith with a new person every week.
Not exactly what he said...but this is my interpretation.
I've been a bad person - a bad daughter, a bad sister, a bad friend, a bad Christian. One of the most important things that Quoc said was that you can't change your past, but you can change your present. The past may have made me who I am today, but the present will determine who I am tomorrow.
Anyways, I resolved to tackle all these things at once. I've embarked on a 21 day porn fast. The true spirit behind fasting is giving up something you value dearly for God. Recently, I've spent hours vegetating in front of the computer screen reading fanfiction and romance novels. I've decided to take this time and read the Bible instead. I know, I know, this sounds scary and uber-Christian. I've always thought the Bible was veeery boooring. (Numbers sucks. Sorry, God.) I've only been doing this for three days now, but I'm actually enjoying it.
Here's how it works. I choose a book of the Bible and read three chapters a day. I take notes, jot down quotes I like, and analyze the meaning behind the passage. What is the lesson behind this? How can I incorporate it into my life. I'm not going to lie. Sometimes, I read passages and go, "Really, God? Really?" Luckily for me, I live in a house with a whole family who I can discuss, argue, and bounce ideas with....not to mention the whole backup system I have on the internet.
Anyways, when I have the time, I'll blog about some of my thoughts on each passage. I know, I know, no one wants to read a religious blog. That's not my intention. I've just always been better at thinking when I'm typing. It's like my brain speaks to me through the keyboard...
Today, I read Proverbs 1 - 3.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil." Proverbs 3:5-7
I first discovered this verse on my first year at ADVENT. My teaching assistant, Jeremiah, shared it with me. It speaks to me in so many different ways, simply because of my stubborn personality. I'm not naturally a trusting person, and I'd rather not be dependent on anyone else. It's hard for me to relinquish control in any situation. (except driving. heh) I give myself way to much credit and often forget to give the glory to God. Just one week after Jeremiah gave me this verse, I ran across a group of students that I just really could not control. I was at a complete loss as to how to deal with them. I'd like to think I can handle any situation, but the truth of the matter is, I just can't. It occurred to me then to refer back to this verse. I can't do everything on my own, my abilities are limited, but God's power is boundless. I prayed for wisdom, guidance...self-preservation, and I tried again. Things didn't just magically work out or go away, but there's just a feeling of peace and calmness. My team leader often reminded us that we can only do our best and God will do the rest. Because I was reminded of God's omnipotence, I wasn't stuck on what I couldn't do or what I failed at. I knew I had done my best and it was liberating to be able to just relinquish control to God.
"Do not despise the Lord's discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in." Proverbs 3:11-12
It's easy to love someone who's always nice to you. It's easy to love someone who always let's you have your way. But oftentimes, that person is not someone who can honestly say that they love you back. They're not what's best for you. This verse made me think back on my long 17-year history with my parents. WW3 is often imminent in the Casa de Wang. We fight, we cry, we laugh it off. That's real love, I have no doubt. Discipline stings. When my Dad corrects me, I won't deny it, I get pissed. The resentment builds and I search for reasons to cry "hypocrisy"! But with God it's different. God is perfect. Which kinda sucks sometimes...because it leaves us with no ground to stand on. It's not like I can say "Well, what about the time you stepped on your own laptop? Who's careless now?" It annoys me when my Dad picks on my dressing habits, eating habits, and behavioral habits, but deep down (very deep deep deep down), I know he does it for my own good. God is the same way. When bad things happen, it's not because God wants to punish me. It's because God loves me and he wants me to learn. How easy it is to rejoice and give thanks when times are good. How much better a person I must be to do the same when times are rough.
"Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act."
Proverbs 3:27
I am a selfish beast. This is no lie. I hate sharing, whether it be my eraser, my pencils, my food (especially my food), whatever the case may be.I also noticed that it says "from those who deserve it", not "from those who ask for it". That's tough. I don't even like to give people things when they ask for it. If I am to do good, whenever it is in my "power to act", that'd be pretty damn often. This isn't even only material possessions. I'm supposed to give good "when it is in my power to act". Act. That's a scary word...it implies action. (God forbid.) I can't just toss someone a $1 bill and call it a day. Everyone deserves good. I am always in a position to act. This is a call to action, and who am I to refuse the call?
It's easy to analyze the Bible, it's harder to implement it in my own life. I sense a lot of work ahead of me in 2010...
