Too Much Psych

I haven't watched Psych in two weeks, but that didn't stop me from having the most intense Psych dream ever. Perhaps my brain is telling me that it's time to start catching up again...

OK, start off with Shawn climbing his way down a building. He climbed out the window of the tenth floor and starts finding finger/toe holds to make his way down. As it turns out, he's gone fugitive and Lassie/the Chief are after him. On the way down, he dives through the window into a high class Japanese restaurant. One of the waiters recognizes him and serves him up some fresh salmon, just the way he likes it. However, right when he's about to dig in, Lassie and the troops storm in and demand that Shawn surrender himself. The manager, who for some reason is dressed up in Japanese general garb, busts out a huge samurai sword and threatens to decapitate Shawn. The waiter, who has suddenly changed into a Japanese soldier's uniform, busts out his own sword and swears to defend Shawn with his life. Of course, the general disembowels the soldier, but the distraction was enough for Shawn to get away. While Lassie and the boys are struggling to arrest the general, Shawn calls for the attention of the crowd and directs them toward the bloodbath in order to cause more confusion and mask his trail.

Lassie tracks Shawn down to a seedy hotel where there is a "Lassie" signed in. Convinced that this is Shawn's room, Lassie storms in with his gun drawn. However, the sleeping figure turns out to be a complete stranger. As it turns out, Shawn switched rooms with the man and escaped out the window after he heard Lassie yelling in the next room.

All of a sudden, Shawn's in my backyard. He starts jumping fences to find a hideout. According to his research, all the families living here are out on vacation for a week. He finds a small triangular space enclosed by the intersection of the difference fences and decides to hideout there. Lassie and the Chief start searching the houses. They have a consultant who claims to have been in contact with Shawn. He remembers telling Shawn about the "delta", the triangular space where Shawn is currently hiding out. Panicked, Shawn activates the distraction he had set up before. Lassie and the Chief hear a sneeze in the bushes followed by the sound of running behind the bushes. They open fire. However, after they do a search in the bushes, they realize that they have just destroyed a very expensive sound system that Shawn had set up to go off to give him time to escape.

Shawn crashes through the window of his Dad's house, which is, for some reason, a chapel. Oh, and Shawn can fly. Awesomeness. It turns out that his Dad had just revealed to him that he is some sort of supernatural being, hence all the observation lessons he suffered through as a child. Shawn had spent the whole day testing out his powers by torturing Lassie/ the Chief. After his epic adventure, he came to the conclusion that he loves being a ...supernatural creature. He turns around to his Dad to tell him something, when all of a sudden, he's a little boy again. He says something along the lines of "I left something in the kitchen". (In the dream, it was a very touching speech, I just can't remember it.)

He walks back into the kitchen, still as a child, and inside the kitchen is a little girl. Apparently, in his childhood, he had promised the little girl that he would come back for her but never did. He talks to this girl and makes a promise with her. He gives her his green watch as a "proposal" of sorts. As he's about to walk out of the kitchen, he tells her to meet him in the living room. With each step he takes, he starts aging back to present-day Shawn. When he enters the living room, his Dad is waiting for him with a young woman wearing a green watch. They sit down to have breakfast when Lassie comes crashing through the door, gun drawn. There is a comical moment of silence where they all stare at each other before Shawn nonchalantly invites Lassie to sit down with them for breakfast.

At this point, I wake up, ten seconds before my alarm goes off. I've been having a lot of epic dreams lately... That's what college does to you. It fries your brain and keeps you from restful sleep.

Commotion

An scathing article on fat girls came out in the JHU paper that is causing a commotion on campus. I thought it was hilarious and fabulously well written, so I am posting it here for your viewing pleasure. The school actually removed it from the JHU news website because of all the angry comments that people posted in response to it. haha. They're now trying to brush it off as satire. I was in Schaffer when I saw this angry letter posted up on the billboard about the article pushing fat girls to eating disorders. Personally, I don't see what all the fuss is about. The article is about fat girls who "bare all" which I think is pretty disturbing regardless of waist circumference. haha. Anyways, this bison is totally unoffended and amused. You guys can read and formulate your own opinions. :D Enjoy!

"Local Bison Bear All at Phi Kappa Psi’s Annual Lingerave (Opinion Section)
By Greg Sgammato

Last Thursday, September 9th, Phi Kappa Psi hosted their annual Lingerave party, a celebration of scantily clad women and booming techno music. The event was by many accounts a success, but unfortunately featured a disproportionate amount of fat chicks.

Under normal circumstances, fat chicks at a Hopkins party are neither a novelty nor a major problem. The student body has become accustomed to seeing the occasional bison at Pike; as long as direct interaction isn't necessitated, most Blue Jays are content with simply letting the livestock graze.

Such a dynamic, though, is fundamentally shifted when certain parameters change. In the case of the Lingerave, clothing - the last defense against the hordes of 'grenades' that inhabit this University - was explicitly discouraged. And herein lies the source of the problem.

Perhaps the brothers of Phi Psi actually thought that most girls at their party would be attractive. To be fair, there certainly were plenty of good-looking ladies in attendance. The problem, though, was that these girls were, by and large, the ones who remained clothed.

Unfortunately for the rest of the party, those who were most adamant about letting it all hang loose had a few too many to let hang loose. This may seem counterintuitive; why would the biggest chicks wear the least clothing? These are girls who wear sweatshirts on sweltering summer days just to hide their - admittedly substantial - arms. The answer, of course, can be found in the staple of any decent frat party: alcohol.

Alcohol boosts self-confidence; anyone who has shotgunned a few beers or dared to sip on some jungle juice can attest to this fact. Such a phenomenon, though, is exacerbated when we throw fat chicks into the mix. When buffalo - especially those who frequent frat parties - consume alcohol, they undergo an extreme and sudden inflation of self-image.

In a matter of minutes, the girl whose leggings expose a glimpse into the darker side of humanity will equate herself to Megan Fox. She - though 'it' may be more appropriate - will flaunt it like she's got it, when in fact she never had it and probably never will. She will transcend 'sloppy' and become a force to be reckoned with, an 8-on-the-Richter-Scale Neuroscience major with no test on Monday, a full fridge and an empty bed.

Needless to say, a drunk plus-size is scary enough. Yet put her in an environment in which clothing is actively discouraged and we have added insult to an already egregious injury. The end result? Fat chicks running around the Phi Psi house wearing nothing but a bra and an unfortunate pair of shorts.

Such was the inevitable downside of the Lingerave. What's most disturbing about the situation - apart from the sweat - was that it could not have been prevented.

But, you say, certainly it could have been avoided. Not the case.

In analyzing this problem, we must enter the mentality of the fat chick. She knows that, given her current situation, she will not gain admission to a frat party of her own accord. No one in his right mind would, given the chance, admit a herd of rhinos to his party. So - and here is where the hippo is at her most wily - the fat chick will systematically befriend hot chicks.

Such a relationship is symbiotic and, as such, makes intuitive sense. Hot girls associate with fat chicks as a means to boost their level of relative sex appeal. Fat chicks hang out with more aesthetically pleasing girls to leech off the perks that come naturally with their biological success. If, in the near future, one determines a means by which we can separate hot chicks from the heavy, heavy burden of their larger peers, a Nobel will surely follow.

In any case, fat chicks and hot chicks often go hand-in-hand. When they travel together to a frat party, those brothers working the door are forced to let the elephants inside; to refuse them would be incurring the wrath of their hot friends. And once inside, the damage has already been done. It's only a matter of time until the mammoths monopolize the space on the dance floor.

In the future, one can think of at least one alteration to make; indeed, perhaps advertising a party as a "Lingerave" will bring about more bad than good. While seeing a hot chick in only her underwear is undoubtedly a treat, seeing a blimp without the welcome shield of clothing is a much worse fate for everyone at the party. A seasoned veteran should have the confidence to wait until the bedroom to see his girl without clothing; don't subject the majority to the tyranny of the - funnily enough - enormous minority.

There is, of course, one more option: get obliterated. You'll be surprised how far you'll go with a half-naked wildebeest."

Testify

I've been at JHU for three weeks now and every day God's been working. Every time something good happens to me, I thank Jesus, and then I go on with what I'm doing. Some would say that's enough, but I think it's important to testify and share what God's done in your life as encouragement to others. Reminds me of that one song we used to sing in bible school as kids, This Little Light of Mine. One of my favorites, hands down. It was like Ultimate Spit Wars whenever we got to /POOH/ it out. Anyways, God's been tending to my candle (and in no way was that vague sexual reference), and I think it's about time I let it shine.

First of all, my application to JHU in itself was God's work. I'd never even heard of Johns Hopkins before applying there. When deciding what school to apply to, I looked up the 2009-2010 rankings of universities across the US. I then decided to apply to Stanford, Harvard, Yale, and for some reason, Johns Hopkins. (I think I was looking at the medical school listings.) What I remember most vividly is looking up the nearest Chipotle around JHU and thinking, "Excellent. It's right across the street." Then I applied. I mean, what other motivation did I need? Really.

Johns Hopkins was the first (and only) private to send me my acceptance. I remember playing Meerca Chase while checking my email and saying, "Oh. Nice." I told my sister on Gchat and she proceeded to call me right back and gush. GUSH. I was totally confused because I really had no intention of going to JHU. After recovering from the devastation of being rejected from Stanford, Harvard, and Yale in a span of three days, I had my heart set on going to Berkeley. I had received the Regents and Chancellors Scholarship there which would have reduced my tuition to roughly 14k, including room/board/food. I thought that, for sure, was a sign from God to put aside my pride and go to Berkeley.

A few nights later, my Aiyi came over to take us to dinner. Like Amy, she was much more excited than I was about my acceptance to Hopkins. She told me I absolutely HAD to go. I started looking into Hopkins, about its financial aid program, about its medical resources, about its statistics, and I decided to give JHU a chance. In April, I took part in the Asian Perspectives overnight program, where I stayed with a host in her dorm for three days. Originally, I had planned to go on the standard one night stay that the school offers, but again, God intervened. Because of Asian Perspectives, I met a lot of friends and made a lot of connections that have helped ease the pain of my transition to JHU.

Long story short (Lies. There's more.) , I fell in love with the campus. I came back and submitted my SIR within two days. Months later, I met up with Pastor Chang at the ADVENT training camp. We got to talking and, as it turns out, Priscilla was also going to JHU. I had no idea when I was applying that Priscilla was applying for the Peabody Conservatory. I'm totally a believer of signs (I know it's bad) and this one seemed of the neon, flashing light variety. ADVENT is a big part of my life and it felt that God was telling me that I had made the right choice in taking a chance on JHU.

Fast forward to three weeks ago. When my parents left, it was a waterworks fest. I started crying before they even left. I cried myself to sleep the first night in the dorms, tossing and turning under rough blankets that were alien to me. I cried during our last dinner together. (Rather embarrassing, really. I think the waiter and other patrons must have thought we were REALLY displeased with the meal.) I cried through our last prayer together in my dorm. I cried when they pulled away in the red pimp-mobile. I cried intermittently through my first week. I drank a lot of water to keep hydrated.

I had a lot of doubts. I had/have a lot of guilt. I passed up a 16k scholarship to come to this school. I'm at least 7 hours and $400 away from home. My parents are footing a 30k a year bill for my education. I thought for sure I had made a mistake. I should have gone to Berkeley. Then I could go home every weekend, play with the puppies, and ask my Mom to do the laundry. Sounds heavenly when you spend the first night locked out of your room, accidentally throw your only white dress shirt into a load full of colored clothes and inadvertently set it on WHITES because you thought it was the most delicate setting, and run around the entire first week trying to figure out your schedule. But God again provided.

I met up with some of my Asian Perspectives friends. Together, we managed to attract more Asians until we unintentionally made this little mob of Asians we fondly call The Asian Invasion. Most of them are engineers but we still meet up everyday to eat, study, or do homework together. When I was trying to get into Intro to Physics, a really nice upper classman walked me to Garland Hall to turn in my drop/add slip. As it turns out, he was a neuroscience major too. He gave me some tips on what classes to take, what not to take, etc. The next day, I met up with Maria, an upperclassman I met during AP, and she gave me some more advice. She is trying to double major in Psychology and Neuroscience, just like me. (She is actually the one who got me interested in Neuroscience) She also hooked me up with Stepping Stone, my current Fellowship on campus. Because God placed them in my path, I managed to work out all the kinks in my schedule and I am now on the way to becoming a double major. :)

I can't write a blog about God without talking about Fellowships. Priscilla and I agreed to find a church we could go to together, even though the Homewood and Peabody campuses are a 20 minute bus ride apart. At first, I tried out Agape with Kandice. I only went to the worship night, but I knew that Priscilla would not be able to make the morning service. Following Maria's advice, Priscilla and I went to Stepping Stone together the next Sunday. Something just clicked. The pastor, who is a Hopkins alumni, gave a sermon that completely resonated with me. He talked about how it is hard to put God above your own career and ambitions. When he talked about his motivations, dreams, and experiences, I found that I could completely relate. I actually listened to his entire sermon without texting, nodding off, or playing Bible Pictionary. I was very proud of myself. I definitely hope this is a church where I can grow spiritual roots and find myself as a Christian. On another note, I seriously need to get myself a Church Notebook because the Pastor is definitely throwing me morsels of wisdom from his table. haha

Just last week, God hooked me up with a job. I'm still a little skeptical about it. I don't know if God wants this to be short-term or long-term commitment or what he has in mind me. I'm sure if he led me here, then I have something to learn or take from here. (And I'm not just talking about free Pepsi products and $10.75/hr pay. Yayuh.) I'm taking a leap of blind faith here and I'm just going to go with God's flow. I struggled with the job after the first day. Telemarketing is really bad for the confidence and is not recommended for the clinically depressed. However, I've gone in three days and I am not totally fine bringing in a book and chilling for three hours. Praise the Lord.

God's just been throwing little tasty treats here and there for me. Some are bitter and some are sweet, but all are designed to teach me something. For example, the Expository Writing course I signed up for, deceptively titled "Sex and Death in Shakespeare and Beyond", turned out to be about Freud rather than, say, Shakespeare. I definitely struggled through the first two weeks, but I think I'm starting to get the hang of that now. I also won a free shirt at the IAC general meeting (It says "DOMINASIAN") and I made IAC apprentice. I'm not really sure what kind of clubs/extracurricular activities I can join with my limited time availability, but I'm just going to let God move me.

Faith. It's hard, but I'm learning. God works in my life every day. Every morning, my Dad sends me an encouraging prayer via text. (So proud of him.) I still struggle (I'm doing a lot of struggling lately. I think I should go back and see how many times I used this word.) with being away from home, but right now, things are not bad. I get by by giving thanks. I get by by thinking of all the things God still has in store for me.

First Job Interview

I went in for my first job interview today EVER. I've had interviews for board positions and colleges before, but this seemed like something different and more momentous. Sadly, this interview was much less dramatic than the ones I've had before. For one, it only lasted twenty minutes... Sadder still, it wasn't even for a job I really want.

I was supposed to go to Annapolis today, but they called me up for an interview yesterday night. The plan was to leave at 9:45 AM and come back around 4PM, spending the day touring our new state's capital. As it turns out, no one woke up until around 12 PM, so I don't even think we ended up going. I saw my RA walking around outside the AMRs at 1 PM...I think it's safe to assume the trip was indefinitely postponed. We suck. :)

I applied for a position at the JHU Phonathon during the Student Job Fair. My job would be to call up alumni and ask for donations. Basically...I would be a telemarketer. The interviewer, Jaime, was very friendly. Her presence totally put me at ease...until she started whipping out the Questions from Hell.

1.) What about JHU would you use to convince an alumni to give?

2.) How to you respond to criticism that you know is not true?

3.) You have thirty seconds. Sell me this pen.

4.) What is the worst movie you have ever seen? Now convince me to watch it.

I don't think I did that great. To be honest, I think I sucked. I'm still not sure I should work during my freshman year, and I kind of wanted a job in my field (Neuroscience). I applied online to a Office Assistant position in the Neurosci department and I'm still waiting to hear back from them. But whatever. The Phonathon job pays $10.75 an hour and isn't federal work study. I need the money. Tuition's a bitch. I kind of want the job just to get some experience in the formal workplace. I'm just chilling now, knowing I've done my best and leaving the rest to God. Let's see where He leads me.

Now I'm studying in the library with my friends. Or, they're studying, I'm blogging. hee. I feel half asleep right now so my blog is less coherent than it usually is. (Which is saying something.) I think I'm starting to get into the rhythm of things...but this damn Labor Day weekend screwed me over again. haha. Frat parties are lame. Just sayin'

Can't wait to hear from those who have yet to start this new breed of torture!

1.) How would you c