God's been doing a lot in my life recently, and I thought it would be ungrateful of me not to share it as a testimony. I've started taking this Discipleship class on Mondays and even though it's less than an hour long, it's been making a huge difference in my understanding of God. It's helped me realize that the answer to a lot of the problems we face can be found in the Bible. All we need to do is read it. I never really started reading my Bible until I got to Hopkins. Higher education is driving me into the arms of God. The irony.
I've been struggling a lot, not just academically, but financially. I mean, we're not poor enough to be legit poor. It's just enough to feel the pressure. My parents have both been unemployed for almost a year now. I used to be afraid to pray for some things because I thought praying for them would be almost selfish. Sometimes I feel like the majority of my prayers are requests and pleas. The Asian in me highly objects to that. I guess the most important thing I've learned from the past couple weeks with God is that I should not be afraid to ask. When I don't ask God, I tend to just worry about things and struggle to work things out on my own. It's like having the world's best Math teacher right beside you while you toil over the little squiggly integral thing. God's been really reminding me to lean on him through the Scripture.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:6-7)
Another verse that really helps me is Proverbs 3:5-6,
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your path straight."
I remember Jeremiah sharing this verse with me on the first year of ADVENT. I didn't really realize how much I needed this verse until now. A lot of times, we try to figure things out on our own. But God's understanding far surpasses ours. He sees far and beyond. It's like we're mice in a maze and he is watching us from above. He can see where the exit is and He can guide us there. We just have to trust him. (Wow, I just compared God to a scientist.)
Recently, I've been doing a lot of prayer. I learned that I shouldn't be ashamed to ask God for things but I also learned there's a lot more to prayer than just requests. However, that's a topic of discussion for another day. One of the things I've been praying really hard about is my financial situation. JHU had given me a roughly $20,000 grant, which is really generous. However, it still left my family with a 30k bill, give or take. My sister is in law school right now, and her tuition is about $48k. My parents always tell me not to worry about money, that everything will work out, that they'll find a way. Despite their reassurances, I've been shouldering a lot of guilt about deciding to come to JHU instead of Berkeley. I questioned whether I made the decision out of pride and my desire to go to a "higher ranked school" and if God really wanted me to come here. A couple of weeks ago, I found out that one of my friends had submitted an application for a re-evaluation of financial aid. Before this, I didn't even know that a re-evaluation was possible during the school year. Two days ago, I finally submitted my application. The lady told me to expect an answer within two weeks. This morning I checked my email, and there was an email telling me to check my financial aid statement. They had increased my financial aid package to $30k. $10,000! Praise the Lord!
On top of this, I applied for an SAT tutoring job a few weeks ago. They had passed out a bunch of flyers, advertising $25/hr wages, 4 hours a week. I thought it was too good to be true, but too good to pass up. I scheduled an interview. The first interview was the qualification interview ---what are your prior experiences, if situation A happened, what would you do, what times are you available, etc. I relied heavily on my ADVENT experience to answer the questions. For example, if you had a child acting up in class, what would you do to? I didn't exactly say, drag five other teachers into my classroom and start singing "I AM BIG KING KONG", but Fish wasn't too far from my mind. Hitherto in the process, I was still quite distanced from the job. I didn't think there was a high possibility of me landing it because they had put a flyer in every mailbox. When I got my callback the next day, I started getting really nervous. I wasn't sure if God wanted me to get the job or if I already had too much on my plate. The flyers had said "Want to earn $100 every Sunday afternoon?" This is when I usually have church, but I thought, what the heck, might as well go and see if they have other times available. If not, it's God saying "This is not the job for you." The time slot they offered me was 11:30 to 3:30, which would get me back to campus exactly when church started. When I went back in for my callback interview (most nervewracking experience ever), I had to teach a mock-class. It seriously felt like small-scale ADVENT. When I left the interview room, I just remember praying to God, "I've done my best, Lord. Now it's all up to you." Then I vividly recalled Daniel telling us first year, "We can only do our best. God will do the rest." I didn't know how deeply I had internalized that. I guess God knew how much I would need it. haha
I got my call yesterday, telling me I had gotten the job. Out of 62 people, only five were chosen. My God is in the business of Miracles.
In less than two days, I'm going to be on my way to New York to see Tatiana's play, Both Sides Now! I am VERY excited. Then after that, I'll be en route to Chicago to see Amy and my Dad, and meet Grace for the very first time! Yee!
God answers all prayers. Sometimes it's Yes, sometime's it's No, sometime's it can even be Maybe. One thing is for certain, our Father in Heaven will always look out for us and do what's best for us.
