Iron Man 2 Revelation

Ok, So to be honest, my revelation wasn't completely triggered by Iron Man 2 , which is a great movie, just sayin'. I guess it was a combination of things that have been piling onto each other unnoticed since this morning. During Physics, I was doing Brandon's French homework, an analysis of an excerpt of Le Petit Prince:

"Il est bien plus difficile de se juger soi-même que de juger autrui. Si tu réussis à bien te juger, c’est que tu es un véritable sage."

This roughly translates to:

"It is much harder to judge yourself than to judge others. If you succeed in judging yourself, it's because you're truly a wise man."

This quote particularly resonated with me because I have of late stood stationary as the tides of melancholy and cynicism crept in. I was depressed because I didn't know where I was going and, as a result, become irritated by the mere presence of friends and family. I may have done or said some things in the past few weeks that reflected my dark mood and my increasingly twisted sense of humor. I know it sounds silly, but after watching Iron Man 2, I felt deeply convicted by my own conceit and selfishness. (I know, RDJ just speaks to my soul.) Maybe it was the Asian side of me keeping a running mental tab on how much damage was done in that entire, explosive, movie, but I was captivated by this sense of waste and regret.

On the way to the airport with my mom, I listened to my Mom vent about the newest Wang family drama. My newfound movie-inspired awareness made me realize just how much I suck at listening. I always tune in and out of conversations. I get the main idea that the speaker is trying to convey, but I miss the details and I lack the emotional attachment to properly care about what other's say, think, or feel. This time, for forty-five minutes, give or take, I actually listened. I took the time to weigh both sides of the argument and contemplate the emotional and psychological motivation behind each event. I used to be so good at this, I remembered, at caring and providing comfort. I don't want to be like those cold, clinical doctors who see patients as research and opportunity. I don't want to look down my nose at a warped reality, distorted by thick panes and a sense of apathy. The words of Antoine Saint-Exupery were fresh in my recollection. How can I pronounce judgment when I have never took the time to criticize my many faults?

I realized that I could never become a truly good person without first analyzing who I am at this present moment.

I have this deep mistrust of compliments. They feel superficial and fake because they correspond to this false persona I've erected around me in public. There are so many things wrong with me, I've just learned to hide them. I want to be a good person. I want to help others. If people are going to trust me as their doctor, their go-to care provider, then I must evaluate myself and change. It all sounds grossly naive, but I know everything starts somewhere. I hope to look back on this day and say... "It all started with Iron Man..."

In the end, Tony Stark was still a text-book narcissist and an ass, but at least he was one dedicated to fighting for good. There's hope yet!

Don't worry, I'm not about to inundate you with a list of my countless flaws. I can hear Pepper Potts already..."If you say the word 'I' again I'm going to actually hurl something at your head..." haha.

But anyways, good movie! Certainly life changing. (;