ADHD

So, I find myself once again sitting in Nervous System...not paying attention. I have four tabs open: Gmail, Blogger, Yahoo News, and Five Families. Just a second ago, I was playing Swapples. Just a second before that, I was playing FourPlay. Hendry is droning on about visual receptive fields, a fascinating lecture, I'm sure. But I just cannot find the willpower within myself to pay attention, let alone care about what he is lecturing on. As Sam says, I'm "mad distracting". Now when did that CA boy start picking up East Coast slang? That "mad" better be fixed to a "hella" right quick.


Slept through my Orgo Conference session today and as result, didn't get to pick up my graded midterm. Now I have to do the Walk of Shame to the TA's office. "Uhh, why wasn't I at today's conference? F-family issues, I really don't want to talk about it...it's still too fresh, not to mention my terminal illness, plus my dog got hit by a- GOD. I HATE YOU, JUST GIVE ME MY MIDTERM." 


I have a Korean oral midterm tomorrow and a Orgo Lab midterm right afterwards. And yet, I spent three hours playing Swapples/reading yesterday instead of studying for them. Refer to handy-dandy website about Adult ADHD:


 "Hyperfocus is actually a coping mechanism for distraction—a way of tuning out the chaos...you may be so engrossed in a book, a TV show, or your computer that you completely lose track of time and neglect the things you’re supposed to be doing."


Story of my life.


So I've suspected that I've had ADHD for some time now. When I watch TV on my computer, I NEED to have another window open to play Tetris, Swapples, or Minesweeper. Otherwise, I get bored. I've somehow gradually trained myself to be unable to focus on any single task. I am a Multitasking Monster. We had a guest speaker at the lab meeting today, a post-doc who is working on ADHD in children down at the Kennedy Krieger Institute. I was running a bit late because I waited fifteen minutes for the TA to tell me that he didn't have my test and that he'd send me an email -- an infuriating story I will not go into here. Having speedwalked to Ames from Hodson, I was out of breath and my heart was beating slightly faster than normal. Five minutes after she starts talking, I realize my heart hasn't slowed down. This prompts me to start taking my pulse every two minutes or so. Guess what, my resting heart rate is apparently 80. I then start thinking about how this MUST be correlated with the coffee and cheesecake I had this morning, which starts me brainstorming healthier breakfast options. Then, I get a scary thought. What if my heart rate is a symptom of anxiety? I have been feeling stressed out lately...What if I have some sort of arrhythmia? That'd be kind of cool, actually... 


I'm extracted from my own thoughts when the speaker plays a Youtube video about torturing children with marshmallows. (You should totally look it up, it's hilarious.) I tune in just long enough for her to go over a few graphs (Ooh, pretty colors!) and start talking about her own research about delay discounting using video games. (Delay discounting, from the first five minutes in which I was paying attention, apparently has to do with how subjects deal with reward. Would they rather have a small immediate reward? or a larger but delayed reward? ADHD kids apparently opt for the immediate reward. ME TOO.) When she mentioned that the games they chose for the experiment included Tetris, it was game over for me. I started playing Tetris in my head, got bored, and started playing Swapples. Spent two minutes worrying about my grade for Orgo Lab, which got me thinking about my elevated heart rate again. At the end of her talk, when I realized I had learned next to nothing, I decided to look up adult ADHD.


Observe. Symptoms of ADHD (as they apply to me):


1.) "zoning out" without realizing it, even in the middle of a conversation
2.) extreme distractibility; wandering attention makes it hard to stay on track
3.) difficulty paying attention or focusing, such as when reading/listening to others
4.) poor listening skills; hard time remembering conversations and following directions
5.) have poor self-control
6.) blurt out thoughts that are rude or inappropriate without thinking
7.) have addictive tendencies
8.) have trouble behaving in socially appropriate ways
9.) sense of underachievement
10.) doesn't deal well with frustration
11.) irritability or mood swings
12.) trouble staying motivated
13.) hypersensitivity to criticism
14.) low self-esteem and sense of insecurity
15.) feelings of inner restlessness, agitation
16.) getting bored easily
17.) racing thoughts
18.) talking excessively
19.) doing a million things at once
20.) trouble sitting still; constant fidgeting


There you have it. 20 pieces of evidence that I have adult ADHD. (Now, a lot of you are probably thinking "Oh my God, I have ADHD too!") Some of them seem more an indication of what a bad person/friend I am rather than symptoms of ADHD, but whatever. 


Can't...believe...there is still 30 minutes left in class. GUUUH.