Deevolution

Lately, I've had the niggling feeling that I was de-evolving.

I don't know if I can blame it all on Senioritis. For example, I spent the whole day today watching TV. I watched one episode of The Big Bang Theory, two episodes of The Colbert Report, one episode of Bones, one episode of NCIS: Los Angeles, and then three fourths of Glee. I know I have Calc homework, I can't just bring myself to do it. Something about all those damn lns and trigonometric crap on paper makes me want to off myself. Publicly.

I can't even focus on my college applications. I should be done by now, but I keep on staring at the supplements and wondering why they don't just magically fill themselves. My muse is suffocating. Too much TV, not enough thought.

Yesterday, I read The Apology by Plato. It was a rather dry read, but it made me think a lot. I've always needed to remind myself to be humble. Socrates, though somewhat sarcastic, is right in saying that the wisest man is one who acknowledges that he is not wise. I mean, there is so much out there we have yet to learn. How can anyone possibly know anything? Intelligence is not a measurement of knowledge. It's the ability to use the knowledge you acquire. Application over theory. That's what I need.

Nah. What I really need is inspiration. My electric guitar lies cold in the corner. My acoustic is propped, hollow, on the bookshelf. My room is a mess. I can't go a day without getting frustrated about something. It's a culmination of Physics, Physiology, Calculus, life...I mean, just how much is school supposed to mean to me? At first I think school is too much of a priority in my life, and now I'm blowing off homework to watch Glee. There's a balance. I used to know where it lies.

My patience nowadays is really thin. Honestly, I'm tired of school. I'm so eager to graduate, escape, get away from it all. Something about school just ticks me off. I feel like I'm not being challenged enough, like I'm not challenging myself. When people talk, I manage to tune them out in a manner of seconds. I don't do it intentionally. I'm just so...bored. I'm annoyed. I'm angry. I'm depressed.

Aren't those the normal stages?

The philosophical question of the day: "What is the meaning/purpose of life?"

I still say the purpose of life is to seek knowledge and entertainment. We spend the first quarter of our lives getting book-smart, the next quarter getting family-smart, and the rest getting world-smart. But in the course of all this learning, what happens when we get bored? When we can't find a reason to keep on living, keep on learning? That's when life loses its purpose and people escape.



I want start over again.