1.) Chivalrous boys - Open doors, give girls coats, never vulgar, etc. etc.
We all have heard about this mythical creature. Maybe read about him in a book, saw him in a movie, swooned over him in a manga. The sad truth is, these boys don't exist in real life. They are the optimistic fruit of the ever-hopeful mind. Boys don't look at these characters in these books and go "Hey, I want to be just like him when I grow up. Get myself all the ladies.". Oh, no. They think, "What a pansy. I'm going to be rude and disgusting, just to distance myself from this queer." Oh, boys. When are you ever going to learn? It is the smooth tongue that catches the flies. (Or something like that.)
2.) The Sexy AND Intelligent Male (Otherwise known as Brain and Brawn)
All right. McDreamy. McSteamy. Heero Yuy. Legolas. Severus Snape. C'mon. We all know one. But have we ever met one? I don't think so. Ever walk into a doctor's office and come out bitterly disappointed? (Welcome to the story of my life.) But seriously. All doctors are either women or...penis wilters. (Erection Eradicaters, Woo-hoo Boo-hoo, etc. etc.) And I mean that in the kindest possible way. Obviously, those who are born sexy and smart realize at a very young age that you only need good looks to survive. Who needs to study and learn, start a career, when we all know rich cougar ladies are on the prowl?
2a.) Just as a small sidenote: Boys in glasses= hot. Those who can carry it off. There's just something about a man in spectacles that makes girl's blood go...well. It makes us extremely happy.
3.) The Arrogant Alpha Male
Appropriately jealous, domineering, insufferable, but completely lovable. You know what I'm talking about. Every romance novel in creation stars one of these. (Except those Fabio ones. Those are just disgusting. "I am a vuhgin." Gross.) Sometimes a vampire (Twilight does not count. Teeny Booper porn from hell. Guh. Don't get me started.), sometimes a werewolf,. I'm sorry girls, these mythical creatures just do not exist. (If I have offended you, because you happen to be a hot, sexy, domineering alpha male vampire/werewolf, you can call me at (510) 585-5555. Anytime. Don't hesistate. Just dial.)
4.) Boys who can play instruments AND sing.
I have been told that I am extremely picky. I would have it known that I am not picky, I have standards. Instruments does not mean electric guitar (Sometimes, I am willing to make an exception.) or the drums (Again, Exceptions.). Instruments mean classical piano, violin, cello, etc. etc. Instruments that you hear, each note vibrating down the halls at midnight, enticing you to follow, stirring your blood, mmm. Classical music. Is the best music.
4a.) Which brings me to people who have good taste in music. What is that called again...? Class. That's what it is.
5.) Boys who employ proper etiquette.
Boys are not supposed to tell girls, "I'm going to punch you in the cooter." What the hell is a cooter anyway? Say please and thank you. Demonstrate more manners than an average caveman. ("Ooh. Food. SNARKLEGRUNTSNARF") Say the right things in front of your parents. Goes back to chivalrous boys, but seriously. Polite, tactful, witty boys. Jesus, can I have one for my birthday?
Please?6.) Boys that dress well.
James Bond in a suit. That is sex.
7.) Boys who can cook.
Enough said.
The same can be said about girls. I'm sure boys are all looking for the one who is all breasts and no brains. Throw in hips and booty, and the perfect woman is made. I'm not saying that we should all die painfully single and alone. All's I be sayin' (That's right. I pulled a Marchand.), look how our standards have fallen! What happened to the debonair gentlemen of the royal courts? The Lords, Dukes, and -dare I say it- the Rakes. (Oh, baby.) Where have all the good men gone?
Well. I'm holding out for a hero.
Damn right.
(And yes. Most of this was just an excuse to put those pictures up. Mm.)
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