Trapped His Ass

 Well, Ali Wong would be so proud of me because I finally did it, I trapped your ass! 

Even though we have been officially (secret) married since October of last year, it still felt momentous to exchange our vows in front of our closest friends and family. I still remember laughing at how "romantic" it was to repeat our vows before our starry-eyed county clerk, crammed in front of window 11 at what looked like the DMV. When it came time to say "I do", instead you said "Yeah!" and we laughed at that too. Also, let's talk about our official wedding date -- you tried as hard as you could to get married on the same day as my birthday so you could lump the celebrations together for the rest of our lives and I both love and hate that about you. 

Leading up to our big day, we fought more than usual. I was stressed about coordinating the final details of the wedding, you were stressed about making sure your parents had a good time. We fought over the little things like being late to meet my parents and blocking the path while taking tourist photos. But even when we argued, I could see the qualities about you that I first admired and fell in love with. I loved seeing how close you were with your family, even though you moved to the US from a young age and saw them sparingly over summer and winter vacations.  I could see how much it meant to you that they had a good time. We were late because you didn't want to rush your parents out of the house; you wanted them to relax on their first vacation to the US together in 30 years. You said your father was the happiest you had ever seen him when he was taking pictures at Oracle Park (his first baseball game in the US!) and I could see that joy reflected in your eyes -- the question of whether it was the right thing to splurge on those fancy tickets completely banished from your mind. And even though we were occasionally annoyed with one another, I always welcomed the tethering weight of your hand in mine at the end of the day. 

I always joked with you that if you didn't cry at our wedding, I was going to walk back up the aisle and go home. I can't say I wasn't disappointed when you turned around for our First Look and there was nary a tear in sight. Like, I endured two hours of hair and makeup, not to mention the very uncomplimentary groans of Amy and Jiejie as they struggled to strap me into my dress, for this? "Oh wow, nice!" But then as we tried to appear natural for the camera, you leaned forward to inform me that you were very anxious about the photobooth setup, one of two Very Important Jobs I had assigned to you that day. And again I felt that pang of unexpected affection for you and your dang inability to multitask. I can't wait to look at those First Look pictures with you so I can point out your Anxious Eyebrows and give you a hard time about your dry eyes and how ugly you must have thought I was. 

My disappointment dissipated quickly the moment I walked down the aisle and saw you bawling at the end waiting for me. All the worries I had about whether there would be shade for our guests, whether the ceremony site would be too plain without decorations, whether I started the ceremony too late waiting for our last minute guests -- all thoughts gone in a moment of sudden clarity as my vision tunneled down the aisle to you. You hate it when you cry, but from the very first time I saw you cry, after we visited your grandmother together for the first time and she asked for Jol for the first time in years, I loved you more for it. Your tears have never been a sign of weakness, but instead a manifestation of your love, whether it be for your family or for me.  And as my Dad gave you a hug and passed you his own handkerchief to wipe your tears, I thanked God for gifting me another perfectly sentimental and sensitive man in my life. 

The rest of the reception passed in a blur. When we finally got home that night, I was so tired from the emotional burnout of the preceding week and just ready to pass out. But instead, we sat with your family and decompressed with another round of beers. We shed some more tears as your parents shared their wisdom and their blessings.  As my vows to love your family as my own echoed in my head, I was struck by how similar our family values are. I remembered feeling so deeply grateful that I married into a family that blended so seamlessly and effortlessly with mine. 

Now here we are, not so secretly married anymore. The stress of planning a wedding and coordinating your parents' visit conquered, but the new stress of finding an apartment together and eventually buying a house looming. But I'm not worried, in fact, I've never been more confident in something in my whole life.  I've doubted myself, my performance, and my abilities, but in the past 3 years and change, I have never doubted us. Whatever lies ahead, I know we can tackle it head on together.  

Love you, Oppa. <3