New Year's Eve

I totally forgot what day it was today until my friend texted me and asked what my plans were for New Year's Eve. I was like "Oh yeah, when is that again?"

Uhh...tonight. Doofus.

What did I do today? Ate my weight in spring rolls. Got my hair cut. Went to Pink Elephant Bakery for some pan dulce. Indulged in some pearl tea. Made Baked Ziti (imitation Wang style). Clearly preparing to bring the new year in with style.

So yeah, I totally partied it up tonight. Got together with my sister and two close friends to watch Fellowship of the Ring (extended edition!! uhh...is there any other worth watching?) while researching the history of Middle Earth on LotR Wiki. And no no no, that is not enough badassery enough for the likes of us. We also rallied to watch the appendices to deepen our appreciation of what went into the filming, casting, and music for the epicness that is Lord of the Rings. We do fangirl screams listening to commentary. Such is our love for the genius of Peter Jackson and Tolkien.

And when I was thinking about how best to convey this awesome night in a succinct Facebook status (where  all awesome life events must inevitably be documented), I was tempted to write "There's no place I'd rather be than right here with friends, family, and LotR."

But that would be a lie. Because I can think of one place I'd rather be.

It's been almost eleven days since I left Baltimore. Normally, Baltimore would be nothing more than a painful memory by now. In some ways, nothing has changed, and yet everything is different.

I'm not one for New Year's Eve celebrations. Usually, midnight finds me already bundled up in a blanket burrito and snoozing my way into the new year. This year is the first year that there is someone I would love to be kissing when the ball drops...but the distance between us is enough so that we can't even celebrate the beginning of 2013 at the same time, let alone in the same place.

It sucks. It sucks to be apart. It sucks to miss out on the big things like New Year's and our first month anniversary, but it also sucks to not be there for the little things...watching our favorite shows together, swapping stories about our day, inhaling HopDeli pizza, exchanging silly grins while brushing our teeth...

[I must digress. Ball just dropped. Everyone is kissing. My only thought: Fuck everybody. All the bitterness.]

I admit that it hurts dealing with my family's reactions but I understand that it is something I need to do alone, that I need to patient, and that I need to have faith. But even the sting of the things left unspoken is nothing compared to how much I miss her. Skype is just not the same , and sometimes we lapse into a heavy silence, each distracted by our own thoughts, feelings, worries, and fears. Still other times, I fall silent in awe of how lucky I am to have her and end up breaking into the goofiest grin.  She sent me this song today and it pretty much sums my feelings too:



Tonight, I found myself poring through all her Facebook photos (I'm such a creeper) but even the 1,115 photos dating as far back as 2007 (and you thought it couldn't get any creepier) did nothing to assuage the acute awareness of her absence. The four months ahead stretch like a gaping chasm before us, but I cannot imagine anyone more worth waiting for.

It's officially a new year and I know it's going to be bittersweet. I'm going to Denmark for a semester and while the people I will (temporarily) leave behind will always be on my mind, I also welcome the new experiences being abroad will bring. Come what may!

"Belgium" - Bowling For Soup:

Lately I feel so small
Or maybe it’s just that my bed has grown
I never noticed it before but you were there
So how was I to know

[bridge]
That this single bed
was always meant for two
not just anyone
it was meant for me and you

[chorus]
and now you’re halfway around the world
and I’m just a day behind
Nothin seems to fill the hole
That I have since you left my side
You’ll always be my little girl
Though I can’t hold you tonight
And now you’re halfway round the world
And I’m just a day behind

I wake up in the night
I turn around and find that you’re not there
I just like to watch you sleep and lay by you
I love to feel you near
I think I’m going crazy
Everyday confusion starts to grow
I never noticed it before
But you were there so how was I supposed to know