Keeping in Step With the Spirit

It's 11:41PM right now in Baltimore, and I've been lying in bed since 10:10. It seems, despite my best efforts to sleep at a reasonable time, my mind is determined to deprive me of much needed rest. I spent the labor day three-day weekend studying Orgo and looking up summer research opportunities. I feel stressed out about things that haven't even started their application processes yet. Such is the life of a pre-med. Still, I came to several realizations this weekend. 1.) I want to do something abroad. Either a semester or a summer, hopefully in Australia/New Zealand.  2.) I am going to take a glide year.

For those of you who don't know or use a different term, a glide year is the year between undergrad and med schools that some applicants choose to take to rest, bolster their application, and prepare for the next level of hell.

In the little over one week I've spent back in Baltimore, I've already dropped a class, dropped a major, contemplated another minor, and entertained the thought of studying abroad. I start work next week. School starts for real this week. While I never feel more lost in the grand scheme of life than when I'm in Baltimore, at the same time, nowhere else do I feel the security of Christ to this extent. After meeting up with some church peers/mentors, I really feel that God is telling me to trust in Him. Even more so, it seems that He is calling me to get to know Him more, to deepen my relationship with Him. I still struggle with what that means -- how to hear His voice, how to see his will for me. But I feel that I am in the right place and the right situation to learn.

When I lie in bed, my mind constantly goes over the different things I could do to be better. The professors I should get to know in order to garner a good letter of rec, the tutorials I should take that would look good on my app, the research opportunities I should pursue to enrich my work experience...the list just goes on. Talking with Jen today, something she said really resonated with me. God doesn't love us for what we do, what we accomplish. He loves us for who we are. My identity isn't determined by what I do and how much I do. I need to learn to be content with my identity in Christ -- a beloved daughter who is unique in His sight. God gave each of us different gifts. Just like you can't use a screwdriver to do the work of a hammer, I can't force my gifts to do what I want them to do. Instead, I must be patient, trust in the Lord, until he provides an opportunity to use my gifts the way He intended and to glorify His name.

I don't know if medicine is the path that God has laid out for me. But I do know that in order to get where God wants me to go, I need to walk by faith and keep in step with the Spirit. I will go wherever my Lord leads me.