A Day of Poo and Coconut Juice

I started off the morning in 5A (the Surgery Ward). To my surprise, Mei Jiao Jie was working the day shift. Apparently, the Head Nurse sets the schedule and the nurses don't get any input. haha. It's super fun working with Mei Jiao Jie because she's definitely a lot more hands-on than Xiu Zhen Jie. They have different styles, and sometimes I'm actually more comfortable with Xiu Zhen Jie. Mei Jiao Jie seemed a bit more cranky today (might be from shift changes) and for her, that means working more briskly while still having a smile on her face. haha.

There was this sad little old man who needed to be weighed. I really need to take a picture of the weighing contraption for people who are bed-ridden. It's like a mini-crane. Anyways, this poor Ah-gong is permanently curled into the fetal position (literally). He doesn't speak, he has one black tooth left, he keeps his arms crossed across his chest, and his legs curled into his body. Because of the shape his body is stuck in, we had to position him a bit differently in the harness...sling...thing. Basically, we couldn't strap the safety slings between his legs. We had to weigh him in a loose hammock. I was like "Mei Jiao Jie...are you sure?" She's all nonchalant, "Oh yeah, just make sure he doesn't fall out." O_O What? Ah Gong can't move by himself, so we had to turn him from one side to another to get the sling under him. Every time he's moved, he lets out this really deep, pitiful groan/moan. I'm trying to rub his shoulder and comfort him, murmuring "It's OK, Ah-Gong. We're almost done." Meanwhile, Mei Jiao Jie was working BRISKLY. I was a little uncomfortable in the way she was manhandling the poor little man. I mean, she wasn't hurting him, but the treatment was a bit...brusque. When the crane started lifting, she didn't warn the old man, and he let out this really scared moan. That's when I started to rub his knee comfortingly and saying stupid things like "It's OK. You're going to be fine. All right, we're coming down now. All done." half in Chinese and half in English. Then I realized that I practically lied to the poor old man because later on, we had to move him to another room. There was this board that looks like one of those thing EMTs on ski-mountains use. It was actually super cool because this thing slides out, we slide the patient on, and it slides the patient onto the bed. I was totally amused. Except poor old man made really pitiful sounds that made me thoroughly ashamed of myself.

I've seen Mei Jiao Jie in action before and she's usually a lot better with her bedside manner. She sings along with patients and talks to them when she's treating them. Maybe today was just an off-day for her. Apparently, one of the patients was recovering from spinal surgery and refused to cooperate in the recuperating process. He'd remove the back brace and try to walk around when the nurses weren't looking. Then, there is this other patient. He's an aboriginal, and I'm not sure if I mentioned this before, but I was there when he was admitted. He was stumbling around and refused to give the nurses any of his information. He yelled to his son, "SHUT UP. Don't tell them anything". Xiu Zhen Jie shakes her head and says "Marason. (Drunk)" Anyways, he's all done with surgery now and is staying in 5B, across the building. He stumbled into an empty room today, rifled through the drawers, and tried to steal money, cigarettes, and other miscellaneous items. At first, we thought he was just chilling in the seat. The other nurses were afraid of him and called Mei Jiao Jie to help. She sweeps in, and casually asks him to go back to his room. He refuses and it's when we leave the room that one of the caretakers tells us that he's been going through drawers. Then Mei Jiao Jie unleashed her fury. I don't know how she did it, but she came out of that room with the money and cigarettes in her hands. The last I saw of that guy, he was slinking back to 5B.

Helped to change a lot of sheets and diapers today. It's really depressing to think about the future after I've helped treat the elderly living in the surgery ward. Some of them don't have families and when the nurses are in a rush, they don't get the type of gentle treatment they deserve. Every time I help change a diaper, I think, "This could be me in 70 years." It's also really touching to see the dedication and loyalty that some of the caregivers show their employers, even when they're non-responsive. One lady in particular sleeps at the hospital nightly, refuses to let anyone else feed the patient, changes his diaper, takes him on walks, etc. But it's when I see the families that stick around that I hold back a sniffle. The sons/daughters that hold the hands of their parents when shots are given. The grandchildren that brush Ah-mas hair out of her face so her temperature can be taken. SNIFFLE. WHY CAN'T EVERYONE BE LOVED IN THIS WAY?

OK. On to a less depressing note. LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THESE MELONS!

Cai Hui Aiyi grabs me from the cubicle and I race after her downstairs with absolutely no idea where the hell I'm going. Apparently, her husband had called her and told her that he was going to be at the hospital with watermelons in 10 minutes. She proceeded to completely forget, go to a church meeting, and was running approximately 25 minutes late. These two are the cutest couple btw. He's a pastor, she's a social worker. He's missing an arm. Yeah, I have a burning desire to know too. I think he was born without it. Anyways, his mom works in a watermelon field over in Yuli (about two hours away), and her boss lets her take home excess watermelons. I open the car door to find at least 8 watermelons of the same epic proportions. Super sweet, but unfortunately, not seedless.
After work, I went over to Pastor Chao's house. This coconut grew on a tree right in her backyard. Her father, who's gotta be like...70+, climbs up to the third floor to hack these babies off every year. He's a BEAST. A retired something, he still volunteers at the hospital and acts as a guest-pastor at different churches (I don't know how in the hell that works out because I can never understand what he's saying. He's half hakka.) After making the hole as displayed above, he drains the coconut into a pitcher. The juice was a strange type of sweet/bitter that is just so characteristic to coconut. The meat was subtly sweet, and free of the hairiness that I've associated with coconut. Pastor Chao Sr. told me that sometimes the meat of the coconut is soft like jello. I'm like "SHUT THE FRONT DOOR." I refuse to believe this until I eat it. As I sipped the not-so-delicious juice politely, I started thinking...is coconut a fruit? or a seed? I mean, is it the fruit of the coconut tree? Or the seed of the coconut plant? Because if it's a fruit...where's its seed(s)? Also, where does coconut juice come from? Is it like a cactus? Storing water for the future? But then does that make the coconut a stem? I WANT ANSWERS.

Then, Pastor Chao took me to the grocery store. Taiwan grocery stores are more like Walmart + Savemart. The beauty products are located adjacent to the popsicles. Wassup with that? Anyways, the girl in the picture is Melody, Pastor Chao's demon spawn. More about her later. What's actually important is the BASKET CART. OK, you know how in America our options are cart or basket? In Taiwan, you get cart, basket, or BASKET CART. You put the basket...on this cart device. You know...if you're too lazy to carry the basket. THEN WHY NOT JUST GET A CART?? Ridiculous!

Oh, well, I got to the Coconut Juice part of the title and I guess changing diapers sort of touched on the Day of Poo part, but I totally forgot the best conversation I've had...EVER.

Pastor Grace: You know what these are for? (holds up two tubes)

Me: Blood?

PG: Pee. And Poo.

Me: Ooooh. Then why are you putting it in your purse...wait, back up, POO?!?

PG: You guys don't do checkups in America?

Me: WE DON'T BOTTLE OUR OWN EXCREMENT.

PG: We take it home, fill it, and bring it back the next day for analysis.

Me: Say WHUT. Ok, wait, let's pretend this is perfectly normal for a moment. How do you get...your waste...into that tiny tube?

PG: Well, you don't need to put all of it in. Just a tiny peanut.

Me: A tiny wh---OH GROSS!!

PG: Don't worry, the tube comes with a spatula. Ah, you're thinking too much. You just get out some old newspapers or layer some toilet paper. Melody's done it before too. What do you Americans do?

Me: Why do you need newspa- OH GAH. THE IMAGERY. NOOOOO. Ok, we pee in a cup at the hospital. They whisk it away, we never think about it again. We do NOT analyze poo. God, I hope we don't analyze poo. What happens if you don't need to poo?

PG: Happens every morning.

Me: What happens if you get food poisoning?

PG: Then you don't do it that day.

Me: But I thought you needed it by tomorrow. What if you get food poisoning?

PG: I won't.

Me: What what if you DO?

PG: I WON'T.

Me: ... Fine. How are you going to bring your...the sample...to the hospital? Mail?

PG: In my purse.

Me: ... GROSS. What if it breaks in your purse?

PG: I always put the tube in a plastic bag.

Me: Always? How many times have you've done this?? Never mind, I don't want to know. What if you had to pass through a security gate and they checked your purse?

PG: That's their problem, not mine. You're thinking too much about this.

Me: I can't look you in the face tomorrow.

PG: Heh. heh.

Me: I'm never carrying your purse for you again.

She was just laughing at my face the entire time. (shudder) Poo...in a vial.. guh. Can you imagine having to harvest your own poo?

Oh, exciting news! I'm going to be tagging along on an overnight clinic on Thursday. All I know is that we leave the hospital at 4 PM and don't come back until the next morning. EXCITING! :D I have no idea where we're going or what I'm doing, but I'm just going to pray that it's AWESOOOOME...and educational. But mostly AWESOOOOME. :D

whee!