Woke up this morning and it seems the worst is over. The winds have died down and it's not even raining anymore. I took a cursory glance outside my window, and from the tiny block of N. Charles Street I can see, it doesn't seem that Hurricane Sandy has wrought much damage on this part of Baltimore. (Now I am picturing walking outside to find Charmar completely submerged and being like, well shit.)
When I was little, I hated the rain because it always seemed to come at the most inopportune moments -- outdoor birthday parties, trips to Marine World or Great America, etc. It meant I would have to carry an umbrella, which in and of itself I don't mind, but then I would inevitably lose the umbrella and dread coming home the entire day because I didn't want to have to tell my parents. Not that my parents ever really punished me for it. I'd get a disappointed look that would stab straight through my little adolescent heart and an exasperated, "Better find it."
I used to express these complaints about unhappy weather phenomena to my Dad. He used to point outside the glass door and say, "Rain and storms are God's way of changing the seasons. Look at how it makes the leaves fall from the trees." (It sounds way more poetic in Chinese.) I don't know why this anecdote suddenly came to mind, but I have surmised that being cooped up all day under potentially apocalyptic conditions has made me miss home. Sigh. I miss my Daddy and his little unsolicited philosophical insights...(that feeling will fade abruptly once I'm reintroduced to them this Thanksgiving, I'm sure.)
Anyways, two days off from school, two postponed tests, a four-fold happy circumstance which had me simultaneously over the moon and overcome with worry that exams will be moved into the four extra days that I will be skipping school after Thanksgiving. Then, while I was still praising Hurricane Sandy for precipitating this exquisite agony, my friend brings me back to Earth -- "56 people have died." (This was yesterday, the death toll has since risen to about 65 in the Caribbean and 10+ in the US)
My initial thought -- "That escalated quickly."
Then I just felt like a giant turd.
Here I am, notes forgotten somewhere after I had flung them across the room, thinking that hurricanes are fantastic and that they should happen all the time just so I can shirk my responsibilities as a student while somewhere in the Caribbean (Haiti), people are drowning, people have lost their homes, BANANA CROPS HAVE DIED. (Sorry, humor is my coping mechanism.) Meanwhile, I haven't even lost power! The second worst part is (the first being the death and devastation), I would have remained blissfully ignorant about the fatal implications of this hurricane had not this obviously more socially conscious friend struck me in the face with this bitter dose of reality.
Again, what shit I am.
This revelation made me ponder further. How ironic is it, that we attend university and seek higher education in order to become more informed, and yet we find ourselves focused so much on the outcomes of schoolwork and exams that it becomes easy to turn a blind eye on the things that are happening in the real world around us. In fact, our perception of the real world becomes limited to what side of the bell curve we fall on. These become the things that matter while all else is put on hold until we have time to worry about them. I know I don't speak for all college students, in fact, I may be only speaking for myself (in which case, allow me to combust with shame).
This Hurricane Sandy, now Superstorm Sandy, business made me think back to Saturday, when I still thought I had two exams this week and was cramming for Diseases and Disorders. I was on a time crunch, but I knew I had to do my daily check-ins with my clients from the Charm City Clinic. Most of the calls went down without a hitch, just the usual, how are you doing? what can I do for you? have a good week, i'll call back same time next week. Then, I called a particular client that had just come back from the hospital. The moment he picked up the phone, I got an inkling from his tone that this wasn't going to be a routine phone call. His medical condition had left him incontinent and his fiance was left with the responsibility of cleaning and caring for him despite not having any medical supplies such as a bedpan or adult diapers. They asked me if I could procure some for them.
I am ashamed to admit that my first thought was along the lines of "Balls, I need to study!!!!" But two hours and six phone calls later, they were en route to receiving the materials they had requested. My first meaningful contribution to a client's quality of life was marred by my own selfish desires and insecurities.
While perched on the toilet this morning (where let me assure you, all my deepest thoughts happen), I reflected on these things and the light they shed (or rather, the shadow they cast) on my character. Do I really place my academic success over the comfort and dignity of any individual? Are my grades more important than the lives of others? Because if that's the case, I should pack up my pre-med dreams and go home right now. With that kind of thinking, I would be better suited to be a businessman or a researcher. (Jokes.) You know in movies when the priest says "Think upon your sins." Yeah, I have a lot of that to do.
Sigh, introspection is the worst.
I miss the sun. I miss home. Two more weeks!
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
I have four drafts sitting on my dashboard. Gathered over the last few weeks, they are a cyber representation of just how out of my depth I feel lately. Despite school having started a good month ago and despite being three midterms in, I often forget that summer is over. I'm still not accustomed to having to actually think about things, both academically and emotionally speaking. I can't even begin to pinpoint what I'm struggling with exactly. Maybe it's the sad music I'm currently listening to, but I feel a vague sense of despondency, an uncertainty that any effort is worth making.
I don't even know.
I don't even know.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Pre-College Memories (f'real this time)
It is 10:50 AM on a Saturday morning and I have already squandered an hour of precious weekend time on Biochem Lab and spent another 30 minutes fretting over my study strategy for the two midterms (Biochem/Diseases and Disorders) I have this week. Yep, the school year has officially started.
The last few weeks have still not registered completely in my mind. I can't believe we've been in school for three weeks already. With the MCAT and being in Baltimore during the summer for the first time, it kind of feels like I've been here forever. In a good way. Which is weird. What I mean to say is, I'm starting to grow accustomed to Baltimore and may not hate it with the same magnitude and fervor as I have in years past. Miracles do happen.
I think a large part of this gradual change in heart can be attributed to the great friends I've made this summer. (Not to piss on my old/current friends or anything, you guys have helped me survive JHU thus far and I am disgustingly grateful for that.) I mentioned earlier that I would talk about my pre-college experience and I guess this is the blog post where I will (kind of) deliver..
Pre-college was, in one word, amazing. It was different. Maybe even life-changing. I haven't felt this way about something since ADVENT...which some of you may know led to my baptism, which is a whole 'nother can of worms that I will delve into at a later date. (I really need to stop saying that.) I may have lucked out because I had the sweetest kids in the history of ever (7 bEAST! but seriously, what bad things could be said about a job where I am literally paid to bring on the fun. THE FUN WAS BROUGHT. >:]
Our floor theme was Harry Potter. I had forgotten how much of a Potter geek I was in my youth until I spent 45 minutes on FB chat with Lien (despite only being in the next room), punctuating each new idea with an effusive "OH MY GOD. YES." With all the jumping around we did, I'm glad we moved in early so no neighbors could misconstrue our ruckus as enthusiastic, Potter-themed, kinky, acrobatic sex. ("Hey baby, why don't you grab my wand and we can try to make something levitate. I can teach you how to make the 'gar' nice and long." Oh man, that just happened.)
A lot of people talked about how exhausting pre-college would be/is/was, but I found it to be relaxing and therapeutic. I guess I'm just wired a little bit differently. When I'm with a group of people, I'm always wondering "Is everyone having fun? Is this awkward? How can I make this better?" I feel like it's my personal responsibility to make sure everyone is entertained or engaged. To be honest, it's exhausting, especially when you are dealing with uncooperative assholes. More on that later. (Goddamnit, no. Nothing on that later!) But with the pre-college RAs, maybe it was the right setting or just the right combination of people, but I felt like I could just sit back and be a part of everything, without constantly worrying about the inevitable awkward silences. In fact, I may have spent the entire five weeks shamelessly basking in the peaceful atmosphere of the Wolman office. Compared to the hectic conditions of summers past, this was therapy. Pure unadulterated therapy. I would wake up, grab a cup of coffee, and just park myself in the office. Occasionally, I would offer to help out in order to defuse any suspicions as to why I was there just...chilling, but I'm pretty confident that I spied a few other RAs with similar motivations just chilling alongside me. No shame.
If I were to go into all the details of why I love pre-college, I may end up writing a 10-page essay and I have neither the time nor the writing skills necessary to do so. But here are some of my personal highlights of this summer:
1.) Meals together at the FFC: We had some of the strangest conversations...We discussed the merits of having a tail as an extra appendage, post-shower toweling routines, and even planned weddings. I was a passive observer of more heated debates over the American prison system and the most epic, Sam-Bill-Jack controversy. Never a dull moment in that FFC.
2.) Driving in the SAC vans: One of my favorite memories of the SAC vans is sitting in the back, windows open, blasting Titanium, and just letting the wind wreak havoc on my hair on our way back from the mini-golf course (AKA failed bowling trip). I think the Pre-College program single-handedly enriched my knowledge pop music and iPod. (I downloaded like 30 songs this summer.) Also, I think I listened/sang along to Call Me Maybe about...200 times this summer?
a.) Driving to the airport with Jimmy and Chibby. Not being able to find the airport. Ending up in the boonies and having to pull a U-ey. Not being able to find the parking garage. All the struggles.
b.) Almost daily trips to Rita's with Sam. I spent over $20 at Rita's this summer. My life is full of regrets, but this is not one of them. ahaha
3.) RA Sweatshops! Making dorm decorations, dance decorations, and monthdisks. The Marauder Map locator boards and the Weasley Clock Duty Board? BRILLIANT. Rolling up hundreds of dance invitations.
Best conversation:
Jen: "AHAHA. Work, my slaves!"
Chibby: "I do not appreciate being called as such."
Jen: "...OH MY GOD. I'M SO SORRY!!!!"
I may have laughed until I cried.
Monthdisks. Labeling 400 disks. Making DVD covers. Burning disks. Playing "Would you rather?" at the DMC and STILL not being able to stay out past curfew. ( "I would take a nipple on my penis over everything." Oh, Manchi.) Special brand of hell but I guess I have a little bit of masochist in me because I loved every moment.
4.) KMF. Enough said.
5.) Friendship bracelets. I still have callouses on my fingers.
6.) Writing CRs. Omg, my one kid who almost had a fit after being given reduced curfew. Time of my life.
Ok I got to stop. Memory overload. Still pretty sad I missed out on "The floor is LAVA!" and the Nicole is in jail moments. ): But I did enjoy scaring the shit out of Nicole from under the table. (Still chortle thinking about that.) Also miss giving massages to an overworked Carolyn. And Awkward One-on-Ones with Tiffany. (Trust me, the capitalization is warranted.) Guitar Hero nights with Buddy. Sigh. Profound sadness. Almost makes me want to find another table to crawl under.
Oh man, this was supposed to be a quick blog. I knew this was going to happen! Whatever. I'm sure I haven't done this justice because there is so much more I want to chronicle before I forget, but I have to go to the Indian buffet.
I'm thankful for all of my new friends. I'm thankful for these great memories and experiences. And I'm thankful for all the memories yet to be made (like the 11 cups of chai tea I'm about to have with y'all.) I honestly love you guys. :)
The last few weeks have still not registered completely in my mind. I can't believe we've been in school for three weeks already. With the MCAT and being in Baltimore during the summer for the first time, it kind of feels like I've been here forever. In a good way. Which is weird. What I mean to say is, I'm starting to grow accustomed to Baltimore and may not hate it with the same magnitude and fervor as I have in years past. Miracles do happen.
I think a large part of this gradual change in heart can be attributed to the great friends I've made this summer. (Not to piss on my old/current friends or anything, you guys have helped me survive JHU thus far and I am disgustingly grateful for that.) I mentioned earlier that I would talk about my pre-college experience and I guess this is the blog post where I will (kind of) deliver..
Pre-college was, in one word, amazing. It was different. Maybe even life-changing. I haven't felt this way about something since ADVENT...which some of you may know led to my baptism, which is a whole 'nother can of worms that I will delve into at a later date. (I really need to stop saying that.) I may have lucked out because I had the sweetest kids in the history of ever (7 bEAST! but seriously, what bad things could be said about a job where I am literally paid to bring on the fun. THE FUN WAS BROUGHT. >:]
Our floor theme was Harry Potter. I had forgotten how much of a Potter geek I was in my youth until I spent 45 minutes on FB chat with Lien (despite only being in the next room), punctuating each new idea with an effusive "OH MY GOD. YES." With all the jumping around we did, I'm glad we moved in early so no neighbors could misconstrue our ruckus as enthusiastic, Potter-themed, kinky, acrobatic sex. ("Hey baby, why don't you grab my wand and we can try to make something levitate. I can teach you how to make the 'gar' nice and long." Oh man, that just happened.)
A lot of people talked about how exhausting pre-college would be/is/was, but I found it to be relaxing and therapeutic. I guess I'm just wired a little bit differently. When I'm with a group of people, I'm always wondering "Is everyone having fun? Is this awkward? How can I make this better?" I feel like it's my personal responsibility to make sure everyone is entertained or engaged. To be honest, it's exhausting, especially when you are dealing with uncooperative assholes. More on that later. (Goddamnit, no. Nothing on that later!) But with the pre-college RAs, maybe it was the right setting or just the right combination of people, but I felt like I could just sit back and be a part of everything, without constantly worrying about the inevitable awkward silences. In fact, I may have spent the entire five weeks shamelessly basking in the peaceful atmosphere of the Wolman office. Compared to the hectic conditions of summers past, this was therapy. Pure unadulterated therapy. I would wake up, grab a cup of coffee, and just park myself in the office. Occasionally, I would offer to help out in order to defuse any suspicions as to why I was there just...chilling, but I'm pretty confident that I spied a few other RAs with similar motivations just chilling alongside me. No shame.
If I were to go into all the details of why I love pre-college, I may end up writing a 10-page essay and I have neither the time nor the writing skills necessary to do so. But here are some of my personal highlights of this summer:
1.) Meals together at the FFC: We had some of the strangest conversations...We discussed the merits of having a tail as an extra appendage, post-shower toweling routines, and even planned weddings. I was a passive observer of more heated debates over the American prison system and the most epic, Sam-Bill-Jack controversy. Never a dull moment in that FFC.
2.) Driving in the SAC vans: One of my favorite memories of the SAC vans is sitting in the back, windows open, blasting Titanium, and just letting the wind wreak havoc on my hair on our way back from the mini-golf course (AKA failed bowling trip). I think the Pre-College program single-handedly enriched my knowledge pop music and iPod. (I downloaded like 30 songs this summer.) Also, I think I listened/sang along to Call Me Maybe about...200 times this summer?
a.) Driving to the airport with Jimmy and Chibby. Not being able to find the airport. Ending up in the boonies and having to pull a U-ey. Not being able to find the parking garage. All the struggles.
b.) Almost daily trips to Rita's with Sam. I spent over $20 at Rita's this summer. My life is full of regrets, but this is not one of them. ahaha
3.) RA Sweatshops! Making dorm decorations, dance decorations, and monthdisks. The Marauder Map locator boards and the Weasley Clock Duty Board? BRILLIANT. Rolling up hundreds of dance invitations.
Best conversation:
Jen: "AHAHA. Work, my slaves!"
Chibby: "I do not appreciate being called as such."
Jen: "...OH MY GOD. I'M SO SORRY!!!!"
I may have laughed until I cried.
Monthdisks. Labeling 400 disks. Making DVD covers. Burning disks. Playing "Would you rather?" at the DMC and STILL not being able to stay out past curfew. ( "I would take a nipple on my penis over everything." Oh, Manchi.) Special brand of hell but I guess I have a little bit of masochist in me because I loved every moment.
4.) KMF. Enough said.
5.) Friendship bracelets. I still have callouses on my fingers.
6.) Writing CRs. Omg, my one kid who almost had a fit after being given reduced curfew. Time of my life.
Ok I got to stop. Memory overload. Still pretty sad I missed out on "The floor is LAVA!" and the Nicole is in jail moments. ): But I did enjoy scaring the shit out of Nicole from under the table. (Still chortle thinking about that.) Also miss giving massages to an overworked Carolyn. And Awkward One-on-Ones with Tiffany. (Trust me, the capitalization is warranted.) Guitar Hero nights with Buddy. Sigh. Profound sadness. Almost makes me want to find another table to crawl under.
Oh man, this was supposed to be a quick blog. I knew this was going to happen! Whatever. I'm sure I haven't done this justice because there is so much more I want to chronicle before I forget, but I have to go to the Indian buffet.
I'm thankful for all of my new friends. I'm thankful for these great memories and experiences. And I'm thankful for all the memories yet to be made (like the 11 cups of chai tea I'm about to have with y'all.) I honestly love you guys. :)
Monday, September 3, 2012
So It Begins
I have grown resigned to the fact that school starts tomorrow. Perhaps it's for the better, as I have discovered that I don't deal very well with free time. Finished a full-length test then proceeded to reward myself with two hours of Tetris and Minesweeper. I would have watched some White Collar except my computer won't let me connect to Hopkins and JHUGuestnet won't let me use pirated sites. #firstworldproblems
I don't feel like someone who's about to take the MCAT in less than a week. But then again, what is that supposed to feel like anyways? Should I be breaking into a cold sweat? Stress eating? Unable to sustain normal bowel function? This ain't Orgo! I'm just looking forward to getting it over and done with so I can move on with my life....and by that I mean start studying for my normal classes. My life is rife with misery.
In addition to leveling up in Tetris (which is getting damn hard, STOP IT WITH THE T-SPINS.), I also sent about 600 texts today. Apparently, the key to a successful lockdown is separating me from my phone. Best get the surgical tools ready.
I love texting. You know those people who say technology is ruining personal interactions? That's bullshit. Technology just enables us to keep better touch with the people we WANT to socialize with. Bridging state lines at the speed of light, yo. I am Scrambling with friends in Canada. How's that for international relations? Except he's kicking my ass so...WWIII, bring it on. Which leads me to medical students...why are you so good at Scramble With Friends? Shouldn't you be doing something medical instead of finding the words "toluene" and "serine" in every other round? This is getting pretty ridiculous.
I'm sad to see summer go.Debating whether I should watch some Lion King right now instead of going to sleep so I can have a good cry and get it all out. "NO. WHY DIDN'T YOU MU FASAAAA?"
I don't feel like someone who's about to take the MCAT in less than a week. But then again, what is that supposed to feel like anyways? Should I be breaking into a cold sweat? Stress eating? Unable to sustain normal bowel function? This ain't Orgo! I'm just looking forward to getting it over and done with so I can move on with my life....and by that I mean start studying for my normal classes. My life is rife with misery.
In addition to leveling up in Tetris (which is getting damn hard, STOP IT WITH THE T-SPINS.), I also sent about 600 texts today. Apparently, the key to a successful lockdown is separating me from my phone. Best get the surgical tools ready.
I love texting. You know those people who say technology is ruining personal interactions? That's bullshit. Technology just enables us to keep better touch with the people we WANT to socialize with. Bridging state lines at the speed of light, yo. I am Scrambling with friends in Canada. How's that for international relations? Except he's kicking my ass so...WWIII, bring it on. Which leads me to medical students...why are you so good at Scramble With Friends? Shouldn't you be doing something medical instead of finding the words "toluene" and "serine" in every other round? This is getting pretty ridiculous.
I'm sad to see summer go.Debating whether I should watch some Lion King right now instead of going to sleep so I can have a good cry and get it all out. "NO. WHY DIDN'T YOU MU FASAAAA?"
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Discoveries
Yesterday, Mymy and I made a potentially life-altering discovery. One of those discoveries that make you go, "Oh shit, put that back in the box1 Can't be having that around these parts."
The day started out promising. On my way to work, my iPod starts playing some ABBA ("Take a Chance"...best song ever.) and I started the day in an insanely good mood. The optimist in me thought this mood would carry me through the entire day...the realist should have realized that it meant things could only go downhill from there. It wasn't exactly a bad day at work, just business as usual. Long. Repetitive. Brainless work. My favorite. But at exactly 11:30 AM, disaster struck. I made the gruesome discovery (not the life-altering one) that I had forgotten my lunch on the kitchen counter. My painstakingly prepared lunch where I had lovingly spread just the right amount of fake Nutella on one slice of bread and raspberry jam on the other and brought them together in a sacred union of gastronomic bliss. Son of a bitch. Good day dead.
Got back home tired and hangry. Was NOT in the mood to take the full-length and I managed to talk myself into taking a break for a day. Ended up playing Tetris in the library and distracting Mymy from her LSAT studies. Mymy, being the good friend with overbearing maternal instincts that she is, persuaded me to go over to her place instead of marinating in melancholy by my onesies. I brought dinner...she brought hard apple cider.
Thus A DISCOVERY WAS BORN. (duuuun dun dundundun duuuun dun) Did anyone get Powerpuff girls from that? No? Damn.
Alcohol is an instant pick-me-up. Apparently I don't respond to apple pie or ice cream, but alcohol makes me (reluctantly) joyous. This soon snowballed into a "Hey, let's drink tonight!" and we ended up roping a bunch of friends into a night of debauchery and drunken revelry. OK not so much. We sipped daintily on wine coolers, played King's Cup, and exchanged clothing. Yeah...we're those people.
Twas' a fun night. Wish y'all could have been there.
The day started out promising. On my way to work, my iPod starts playing some ABBA ("Take a Chance"...best song ever.) and I started the day in an insanely good mood. The optimist in me thought this mood would carry me through the entire day...the realist should have realized that it meant things could only go downhill from there. It wasn't exactly a bad day at work, just business as usual. Long. Repetitive. Brainless work. My favorite. But at exactly 11:30 AM, disaster struck. I made the gruesome discovery (not the life-altering one) that I had forgotten my lunch on the kitchen counter. My painstakingly prepared lunch where I had lovingly spread just the right amount of fake Nutella on one slice of bread and raspberry jam on the other and brought them together in a sacred union of gastronomic bliss. Son of a bitch. Good day dead.
Got back home tired and hangry. Was NOT in the mood to take the full-length and I managed to talk myself into taking a break for a day. Ended up playing Tetris in the library and distracting Mymy from her LSAT studies. Mymy, being the good friend with overbearing maternal instincts that she is, persuaded me to go over to her place instead of marinating in melancholy by my onesies. I brought dinner...she brought hard apple cider.
Thus A DISCOVERY WAS BORN. (duuuun dun dundundun duuuun dun) Did anyone get Powerpuff girls from that? No? Damn.
Alcohol is an instant pick-me-up. Apparently I don't respond to apple pie or ice cream, but alcohol makes me (reluctantly) joyous. This soon snowballed into a "Hey, let's drink tonight!" and we ended up roping a bunch of friends into a night of debauchery and drunken revelry. OK not so much. We sipped daintily on wine coolers, played King's Cup, and exchanged clothing. Yeah...we're those people.
Twas' a fun night. Wish y'all could have been there.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Online Shopping and CCC
Recently discovered online shopping and made the mistake of signing up for a bazillion mailing lists. Now my email is being bombarded by all these sales that looks amazing. ): Today, I am decked out in my new Hollister shirt (so middle/high school, I know, I'm always a full four years behind). I realized how Californian I look in my flip flops, but I'm embracing it because I am crazy homesick right now. I've had dreams about being back home or being with my parents for the past three nights now. I think my subconscious is telling me that staying in Baltimore all summer was a bad idea. Still, no regrets. I've had a great summer and I know that I've grown and learned a lot in different ways than summers past. Change is always good, right?
Currently chilling in Starbucks and trying to delay the inevitable -- Full Length Round 6. ): I'm liking the Summer Abby, I feel pretty laid back about everything, no stress on the horizon. Hope this attitude lasts. That's my goal for the rest of my life: don't let immediate situations impact my overall perspective on life. No single event is going to make or break me. Unless we're talking about my death. Or my full body paralysis. Goddamnit, just undermined my entire philosophy.
Also, my attempts to better educate myself on the world are failing miserably. Research articles are SO BORING. Where are the flashy six-packs positioned strategically to capture my attention? Instead, I am presented with colored blobs or diagrams that I can't make heads or asses of. Clearly, I am not PhD material.
Ooh, made my first client calls last night. It was heady; I am a case manager! :D I mentioned earlier that I've just started volunteering at the Charm City Clinic. It's a completely student-run operation where we reach out to the un(der)insured in the surrounding community and try to educate them about and connect them to available healthcare options. As a volunteer, I am assigned clients, most of whom are uninsured but qualify for the Primary Adult Care (PAC) Program in Maryland which gives them access to primary care. Even though there is this great resource available, most of the uninsured population remains unaware of its existence. My job is to help my clients fill out an application, walk them through their options, and make sure they get the healthcare they need and deserve. Very different from what I do at Shepherd's Clinic, and it really has given me a different perspective on the Johns Hopkins Hospital, and on a larger scale, the American healthcare/welfare system in general.
It's sobering to learn, through extended interaction with my clients, how dependent they are on us for this information. Getting healthcare should not be this lengthy, esoteric process! Many programs offer great benefits, but fail to advertise adequately amongst their target population. Intentional? Maybe. Even things that are taken for granted by many of us, for example, being put on hold, can prove to be barriers to people who have limited access to phones or have few minutes to spare on their sparse monthly plans. Sometimes, my clients ask my questions that make me pause and think, "Say what now?" and I begin to realize how alien what I view as common knowledge because I had the privilege of growing up with healthcare (Kaiser baby, born and raised!) can seem to those who haven't had the same experience.
Just the other day, we had a client who thought the $20 co-pay was the price of medical services rendered. Imagine her surprise when she receives a $300 bill in the mail. Now imagine that again, from her perspective, as someone on a fixed income, paying rent, and supporting a family. The misunderstanding makes her wary of going in for medical care and fosters suspicion of medical institutions in general. Luckily for her, there is a financial assistance program at most hospitals where, if you make under a certain percentage of the federal poverty line, you can apply and have your medical bill waived. That's where we at the Charm City Clinic come in.
I have learned more from two training sessions/ one day in the clinic than I have in a year of public health classes at Hopkins. Then again, I did spend that year playing Tetris and on Tumblr sooooo.... teehee.
Anyways, here's to doing my small part to making a difference in someone's quality of life!
Currently chilling in Starbucks and trying to delay the inevitable -- Full Length Round 6. ): I'm liking the Summer Abby, I feel pretty laid back about everything, no stress on the horizon. Hope this attitude lasts. That's my goal for the rest of my life: don't let immediate situations impact my overall perspective on life. No single event is going to make or break me. Unless we're talking about my death. Or my full body paralysis. Goddamnit, just undermined my entire philosophy.
Also, my attempts to better educate myself on the world are failing miserably. Research articles are SO BORING. Where are the flashy six-packs positioned strategically to capture my attention? Instead, I am presented with colored blobs or diagrams that I can't make heads or asses of. Clearly, I am not PhD material.
Ooh, made my first client calls last night. It was heady; I am a case manager! :D I mentioned earlier that I've just started volunteering at the Charm City Clinic. It's a completely student-run operation where we reach out to the un(der)insured in the surrounding community and try to educate them about and connect them to available healthcare options. As a volunteer, I am assigned clients, most of whom are uninsured but qualify for the Primary Adult Care (PAC) Program in Maryland which gives them access to primary care. Even though there is this great resource available, most of the uninsured population remains unaware of its existence. My job is to help my clients fill out an application, walk them through their options, and make sure they get the healthcare they need and deserve. Very different from what I do at Shepherd's Clinic, and it really has given me a different perspective on the Johns Hopkins Hospital, and on a larger scale, the American healthcare/welfare system in general.
It's sobering to learn, through extended interaction with my clients, how dependent they are on us for this information. Getting healthcare should not be this lengthy, esoteric process! Many programs offer great benefits, but fail to advertise adequately amongst their target population. Intentional? Maybe. Even things that are taken for granted by many of us, for example, being put on hold, can prove to be barriers to people who have limited access to phones or have few minutes to spare on their sparse monthly plans. Sometimes, my clients ask my questions that make me pause and think, "Say what now?" and I begin to realize how alien what I view as common knowledge because I had the privilege of growing up with healthcare (Kaiser baby, born and raised!) can seem to those who haven't had the same experience.
Just the other day, we had a client who thought the $20 co-pay was the price of medical services rendered. Imagine her surprise when she receives a $300 bill in the mail. Now imagine that again, from her perspective, as someone on a fixed income, paying rent, and supporting a family. The misunderstanding makes her wary of going in for medical care and fosters suspicion of medical institutions in general. Luckily for her, there is a financial assistance program at most hospitals where, if you make under a certain percentage of the federal poverty line, you can apply and have your medical bill waived. That's where we at the Charm City Clinic come in.
I have learned more from two training sessions/ one day in the clinic than I have in a year of public health classes at Hopkins. Then again, I did spend that year playing Tetris and on Tumblr sooooo.... teehee.
Anyways, here's to doing my small part to making a difference in someone's quality of life!
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Braaaains
Got to stand in on my first brain cutting today. It was actually really anti-climactic because the doctor didn't really bother to explain anything and just started slicing away at the brain like it was a loaf of bread. She's all like "Oh, well obvious degeneration in the hypothalamus there." and I'm like "WHERE. THIS WHITE BLOB OR THAT ONE OVER THERE?" Internally, of course. Externally, I am all calm and composed and "Mmhmm"-ing like a boss. (Literally. That's what my boss was doing.)
Still, pretty awesome to see a brain for the first time. Can't wait for Neuro Lab. It was hard to comprehend that I was staring at something that was inside someone's head and functioning just two weeks ago, that the matted net of blood vessels that the MD was yanking away from the cortex once fed thoughts, emotions, and philosophical tangents. Crazy. Definitely not the same emotional/psychological impact as seeing someone's head splayed open on the table, or even an arm or leg being clinically dissected on the slab. It looked like...foie gras, especially when she was laying into it with that large knife. Whooo-ee.
Anyways, that was fun. Then, because we had to wear lab coats to the cutting, my boss was like "Hey, we should get you one!" and I was like "That would be splendid." while I did internal cartwheels of joy. Ordered one with my name on it and everything. :D SO MUCH HAPPINESS. I feel like I finally get to play doctor for real now. Simple pleasures in life, sigh.
THEN, my boss is like, "Today is Tuesday right? JALAPENO POPPERS." I was like "What sorcery is this?" and she takes me to the food truck, Grr Che, outside of the book store. No lie, that was an amazing grilled cheese sandwich. Jalapeno peppers, cream cheese, pepper jack, and bacon grilled between sourdough. Mmmm. The hint of spice was just what I needed to clear up my sinuses. Yeah, it was $7.50, but once a week...I think my pocket...and my waistline can handle that.
Just went to the gym. Spent a good two minutes debating what to do once I got there. Man, I be out of shape! Time to get on that!
Still, pretty awesome to see a brain for the first time. Can't wait for Neuro Lab. It was hard to comprehend that I was staring at something that was inside someone's head and functioning just two weeks ago, that the matted net of blood vessels that the MD was yanking away from the cortex once fed thoughts, emotions, and philosophical tangents. Crazy. Definitely not the same emotional/psychological impact as seeing someone's head splayed open on the table, or even an arm or leg being clinically dissected on the slab. It looked like...foie gras, especially when she was laying into it with that large knife. Whooo-ee.
Anyways, that was fun. Then, because we had to wear lab coats to the cutting, my boss was like "Hey, we should get you one!" and I was like "That would be splendid." while I did internal cartwheels of joy. Ordered one with my name on it and everything. :D SO MUCH HAPPINESS. I feel like I finally get to play doctor for real now. Simple pleasures in life, sigh.
THEN, my boss is like, "Today is Tuesday right? JALAPENO POPPERS." I was like "What sorcery is this?" and she takes me to the food truck, Grr Che, outside of the book store. No lie, that was an amazing grilled cheese sandwich. Jalapeno peppers, cream cheese, pepper jack, and bacon grilled between sourdough. Mmmm. The hint of spice was just what I needed to clear up my sinuses. Yeah, it was $7.50, but once a week...I think my pocket...and my waistline can handle that.
Just went to the gym. Spent a good two minutes debating what to do once I got there. Man, I be out of shape! Time to get on that!
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